I had a small epiphany last night watching The City (that MTV show that's kinda like The Hills, but with less drama - which still is a lot of drama). Who says a reality show can't speak to the depths of your soul? Anyway, it wasn't the content of the show that gave me the epiphany - it was how my reaction to it has changed since I became a mom.
You see, I used to envy the way those girls carry themselves. Not the way they behave - I did not envy the drama. But I did admire their confidence. How they handled all those high-pressure business situation with much more security than I would have, even though they're younger than me.
I think I was born with an awkward nature. Sometimes I see Melissa making the same shy expressions I used to when I was little, and I fear for her. At the same time, I'm happy I can understand her and will be able to show her the light at the end of the tunnel.
But now back to my epiphany. It surprised me last night that I didn't envy those girls anymore. Not their confidence, and not even their glamourous lives (much). I realized I'd found another kind of confidence, in my own very complex line of work: motherhood.
Let me explain better: when I imagine myself facing the intimidating situations they face, I think I'd survive, simply because I'm a MOM. If I can give birth, calm a screaming baby and still find time for some writing, I feel like I can do anything. Like more writing. And (in the future) more babies :).