At the exact same time, they've also been stressful, exhausting and frustratingly unpredictable.
I'm ready to be normal again. Which I know will never be like the old normal, but I just miss the feeling, you know? Of not being so out of sorts. I keep thinking, if only I get some sleep, or if only the kids behave, or if only I get to have breakfast undisturbed...THEN I'll be good to go.
But it hasn't happened yet. No matter what, I still feel absent from planet Earth. Like earlier today, when my mom told me I needed to calm down and I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, I remembered what I'd just said (whined about Holly peeing on me), but it felt unrelated, like I'd been half asleep. In a way that's hard to connect your own thoughts/actions to reality - a "did I really just do that or was it a dream" kind of crazy.
Not that I'm in a funky mood all the time - if you catch me in a happy, caffeinated moment, you'd think I've adapted to this having-3-kids thing. But I never, ever lose the feeling of being in a daze. EVER. It's getting annoying.
It's just that adding a third person to obsess over/care for is such a HUGE thing to process. And hard to make yourself believe you're doing it right. So during peaceful times, I tell myself to take a deep breath and believe all is right in the world. Which lasts until about when the next kid cries/throws a tantrum/pees on me.
Or all the above, which happens often. Sigh.