Why I Love My Kids Differently

Yes, I do love my kids in different ways. I DON'T mean with different intensities - my obsession over them is so equal that I often feel overwhelmed with caring so much for 2 little people that I have no control over. Having the 2nd kid is experiencing the exact same wonder-excitement-worry-panic-anger-enormous love you feel with the first one, all over again. Which means your life can be either twice as wonderful or twice as painful, depending on the day lol.

What I'm talking about today isn't child preference, but a simple realization that my kids are different and need to be treated as such. I'm beginning to see more and more that they don't need the same things from me. Not only because of the age difference; their personalities also make them show and receive love in their own ways.

When Andrew wants attention, he tries to make me laugh. He nods pretending to sneeze, claps or blows raspberries. What he wants from me is much more interaction than a hug. Of course he wants to be held as much as the next baby, but he's not nearly as touchy-feely as Melissa. She's ALWAYS loved kisses. As a baby, when we'd kiss her cheek, she'd lean over, as if asking for more. Andrew's okay with it, but after a few seconds his little hand pushes my face away, as if saying, "enough, mommy" :).

This works out great since while Melissa's demanding the 100th hug of the day, I can be making faces at him while he's at his exersaucer, and often that's enough to make him happy. That is, of course, if he's just had his fair share of being fed/carried, but I think he's much less clingy than Melissa was. I see more displays of jealousy from him when I'm playing with Melissa than when I'm hugging her.

So here's my prediction of the future: Andrew will be an outdoorsy, manly guy, who isn't as sentimental as his sister, but will love a good laugh (I promise you, he was laughing ever since he was only a few days old - didn't think it was possible! :). My way of showing love to him will be quality time - maybe being there for his games, or just cracking up at his stories. I so look forward to loving him more and more that way.

Now sweet & sensitive Melissa needs to both hear and feel (physically) that she's loved. I anticipate lots of make-up playing (she already loves my brushes), spa trips and heart-to-heart talks about some cute guys or mean girls. With her, I know I need to validate her emotions before I can get a response. "Stop screaming" doesn't work as much as "I know you're upset, but you can be quiet now, it's okay" (followed by a hug).

Before getting pregnant with Andrew, I did worry about not being able to love another child as much as the first one. If you're going through this now, don't let it stop you from taking the plunge (if that's the only reason). Yes, is it a LOT of work, but it doesn't make it any less wonderful to love twice.

How to Be a Frumpy Mommy

I have LOTS of experience.

Just to be clear, this is a post of what NOT to do. Unless you're tired of being so glamorous and would like your mommy-look to evoke more compassion from others. For that, I don't blame you - people are much less likely to help if it seems like you've got it all together.

So, even if you do, you can forever look like you don't in these easy steps:

Wear the shirt you slept in last night. Hey, that's one thing off the list to get out of the house (getting dressed). Now, if you're staying in, WHY would you go and use up another shirt?? Do you ENJOY doing laundry??

Only do your make-up minutes before daddy's supposed to come home. He'll think you were that dolled-up all day. BUT you'll have effectively scared the salesperson who knocked on your door. Win-win.

Never wear something that can't be chewed. Save those silky/sheer stuff for when you're baby-free (like, almost never).

Flats are your friends. And so are ponytail holders. Which brings us to...

Have baby-friendly hair. None of that curls-falling-in-your-face kind of style. Save that for a date night. At home, the less hair available for tiny hands, the better.

ALL of this will be forgiven IF:

You maintain yourself odor-free. Brushing your teeth and putting deodorant on before starting your day is much like putting the oxygen mask on first before helping your child. People can complain about your messy looks, but never about your smell.

You're decent. The mailman doesn't need to see a model any more than he needs to see your boob. So, if you're nursing, watch the cleavage.

You're happy. It sounds corny, I know, but wearing a smile is the best way to look nice. Think about it: what's more pleasant, a grumpy dressed-up woman or a frumpy - but joyful - mom?

So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

Those are some pretty big slippers to fill. 

I once read a magazine article that made me feel like a rock star. It was about a mom who'd been laid off from her office job and was finding staying at home to be much more difficult. Take THAT, Hilary Rosen!

Truth is, though, that I've been a stay-at-home mom for so long (ever since, uh, I became a mom) that I don't even feel like such a martyr anymore. Maybe for the simple fact that I've never been a working mom, so I wouldn't know how it's like. I will tell you, though, that staying at home is not any easier. I think that the longer you've been doing what you're doing, the harder it'll be to transition to something else. And THAT might give you the impression that staying at home is torture compared to the routine you had before.

In reality, it's not. You're just not used to it. At first, it's odd having to depend on a little person's schedule all day in order to do the simplest things - like pee or eat. Specially in the first days, you do crave adult interaction. But like with everything in life, eventually your body - and mind - adjusts.

So here's a little handy-dandy list I've come up with to help any working mom out there who's about to take the plunge:

The Art of Waking Up
We stay-at-home moms need to be organized for their own sake, because there's no boss telling us we're late for anything. Only the kid(s) crying, and threatening to keep us from doing ANYTHING for ourselves. Here's the trick - DON'T let them. Do what you have to in the morning (pee, brush teeth); he/she will not die from crying just a minute more. 

Fear Not, Nap Time Is Near
When the day gets really, really, REALLY tough, here's what it means - the baby/child needs a nap. Kids don't understand how they feel like adults do, so when they're exhausted, they just think the world sucks (actually, not so different from adults lol). So if it's been at least 3 hours since he/she woke up, and they've become impossible to deal with, put them in bed/crib and don't look back. Even if they refuse to sleep, at least YOU have the right to remain silent for awhile.

Embrace The New Phase
With every transition there is mourning, because as wonderful as it is, it's also a death of what it used to be. So don't feel bad for missing your more carefree days. At the same time, try to remember the honorable position you're in. Yes, it might feel daunting, but what new thing isn't? While you're worried about whatever image of perfect stay-at-home mom you have, you're becoming your own version of it. Every metamorphosis is uncomfortable and confusing, until all of a sudden, you start to soar.

And I Thought I Had This "Having 2 Kids" Thing Down...

...but I meant the kids I had last month. Who are these crazies today??

Don't get me wrong: I have the 2 best kids in the world. Andrew's a super mellow baby, sleeping through the night and everything. Melissa's as sweet as can be - she loves to hug, kiss, say "I love you", and even has no trouble saying "I'm sorry" when she does something wrong. Sounds like perfection, right? Well, let me tell you, life with 2 kids is NEVER perfection. 

My day starts with Andrew screaming in the monitor, and by the time I'm going up the stairs, I can hear Melissa having a breakdown also. I don't know why both kids have to wake up like life's ending and they're gonna be left there forever, but that's how it goes. Oh, and meanwhile, the dog is howling too, demanding food, freedom, and, most of all, ATTENTION. 

So the plan of attack is: feed dog. Go upstairs, grab bigger kid, sit her on the potty with a toothbrush in her mouth, grab baby next door, find a way to assist Melissa out of the bathroom while a VERY hungry baby wiggles in my arms, go down the stairs without dropping anyone, grab some easy snack for Melissa, tell her for the millionth time she can drink water on her own (she's been asking for us to give it to her like a baby), sit down at the couch, nurse Andrew, change him, give him some love (all the while Melissa's munching and/or torturing the dog), and then stick him into his bouncer. 

JUST THEN I can start to think about getting my own breakfast, careful not to make any brisk moves in order not to remind Andrew of my existence. And as I'm trying to fix myself something, Melissa's whining about the snack that's gone/the dog that bites/her leg that's itchy/the list is endless...

Tired yet? Well, I'm not even mentioning the little "diversions" in between, like cleaning up as I go, laundry and Melissa's latest habit of NEEDING a hug whenever I pick up the baby, or NEEDING to go to the bathroom (even if she just did) whenever I give Andrew any sort of attention, or NEEDING period. Seriously, sometimes she doesn't even know what to ask for, but wants to whine just because. She goes, "I need, I need, I need," and stops, because she doesn't even know what else to say. 

Andrew's growing up too (and NEEDING more too lol). If I'm having fun with Melissa, he makes the cutest I'm-feeling-left-out face and fake-cries to me. I remember what it was like to be the youngest sibling and feel like everyone's having fun without you, so I grab him and end up sandwiched between them both. Then, Andrew pulls Melissa's hair/kicks her/annoys her somehow, Andrew decides he's not in nursing position enough, and we're back to square one. It's very, very rarely that I can make us ALL (including me) happy at the same time.

My point with this post isn't to bore you to death, but to explain to the world why this blog has been neglected. Yes, they do nap (THANK GOD), but I've been working on other writing projects, and just sitting and writing about being a mom (which I already live out so intensely :) has taken a backseat. This isn't the end of this blog though! I still adore it and plan to give it some more attention in a couple of months. But for now, y'all will have to bear with my few spurts of mommy-stress reports here and there.

I do have a couple of started posts that were never completed (on updates on our family, or about being a stay-at-home mom - for working girls contemplating it). Let me know if there are any other topics you'd like to read about! It'll be a good incentive for me to keep coming back. That is, if you still want me to lol. 

Postpartum Clothing Crisis

<- At least there's always a kid in front of me :)

Is it any wonder that, after being pregnant for almost 2 of the past 3 years, now I don't know what to do with my unpregnant self?

NOT that I want to be pregnant again, but I'm honestly not used to this amount of freedom. Ahem, as much freedom as you can have with a toddler and a nursing 4-month-old. The thing is, though, I don't know how to dress myself in non-maternity clothes anymore. I even get upset when something turns out to be too baggy, 'cause that means I'll have to find the equivalent in regular size, which never ends up well.

Here's my problem in the non-impregnated world: my vision is distorted. It's ridiculous how my size estimates are off. LOTS of things have grown. And then, others (by the Lord's grace) not so much. So I find myself in this in-between size, where I'm not a Lane Bryant girl just yet but definitely graduated from anything beyond the "woman" (meaning, "we-put-an-S-instead-of-an-L-just-to-make-you-feel-better") size.

So I think there should be a store called After Baby or something, where you can buy nursing friendly everything, and clothes that are like, XL on the bust, M+ (WHY isn't there an M+?? Sometimes neither M or L will work) on the waist, L on the hips (with soft fabric to accommodate your C-section) and M on the legs. See my problem? I'm like a multiple personality case. It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to shop anywhere now.

This store would also have cute short (and comfortable) heels, which are the rarest things to find. It's like the world thinks that you either want to be on the ground or climbing over HIGH, never-have-to-chase-a-kid (or move) heels. I've already bought some cute flats, but you know, sometimes you want to feel a bit more put-together. So I have to wait 'till the kids are off to college and I'm not running around anymore to wear a decent pair of shoes??

Sorry, if this sounds like a rant, it is. And no, I am not seriously thinking of opening up a store. I've worked in retail before, and don't think I have the gift for it. I just miss being in a defined state in life (very pregnant or before I ever got pregnant, during a healthy phase when I even went to the gym). Now, I've given up trying to go on shopping sprees for extra cute stuff and just purchase whatever "works". Isn't that how the first frumpy mommy was born?

Commercial Break: Book Review of Betsy St. Amant's "Confessions of a PK"

This is way, way overdue. I was supposed to post this before giving birth, but crying and praying to go into labor already doesn't necessarily put you in the mood to review a book :). Which is a shame, because this is for sure one of the best YA (Young Adult) books out there.

You see many novels about perfect teenagers or really messed up ones, so I loved it when my friend and writing guru Betsy St. Amant came up with a fun story about a girl who is kinda perfect, but really messes up a LOT. I bet it will comfort a lot of good girls out there, and encourage them to cut themselves some slack. Why are always under the impression that we have to earn God's acceptance? I think the message of this book is refreshing and inspiring to people (not just teenagers) wherever they are in the relationship with God, or even if they haven't gotten there at all.

So without further ado, here's the book description:

Sixteen-year-old Addison Blakely has tireless played the role of PK—preacher’s kid—her entire life. But after Wes Keegan revs his motorcycle into town and into her heart, Addison begins to wonder how much of her faith is her own and how much has been handed to her. She isn’t so sure she wants to be the good girl anymore. Join Addison Blakely as she attempts to separate love from lust, facts from faith, and keep her head above water in her murky, fishbowl existence.

And now, an interview with author extraordinaire, Betsy St Amant!

I heard you say on a radio interview that this used to be a secret book. You mean you were going to keep this awesomeness from us?? How come? 
ADDISON BLAKELY started out being a secret book because it was a "vent". One day I had a little immature tantrum over how frustrating it could be to write for the market, to write within boundaries, to be restricted in content while also having to remember regular writing rules. So I started writing a book with no guidelines, no plot, no anything except the way I wanted to write it. It was my fun secret project while writing the way I needed to for my other projects. Then when I was asked to write a YA by a particular house, I realized that story line was already exactly what I should use. God works in mysterious ways and I love how He can take even our frustrations and make something beautiful.

Is Addison anything like you were as a teenager?
Actually, yes. I was always the good girl growing up, had no problem following the rules, didn't understand the temptations my friends faced. I never cared about drinking or smoking or trying drugs or the other "no-no's", my purity ring was securely in place, etc. I enjoyed being "good". When I got older like Addison though I began to understand that wasn't enough. I was saved as a child and because I never had this bad past to turn from and be an obvious change in my life, I had to really think long and hard on my salvation and what it meant to me. As a teenager I had another coming to Jesus experience where I nailed down my salvation and really embraced faith for me, as an active choice.

What do you like to write the most at this moment, YA or romance?
I still write both at the same time. They're entwined. I can't NOT write romance so even my YA's have strong romance threads :)  I'd say right now I'm enjoying my YA projects the most because of the first person voice and really getting into the character's head!

What advice would you give to Addison if she was real? I'd say, easy on the caffeine lol.
Right??? Haha I gave her my love for mochas. And sprinkles. I'd tell Addison to quit stressing over everything and appreciate the beauty in mistakes. Grace is gorgeous. We should never sin on purpose but we should never take grace for granted either. It's a gift.

Should we expect more PK books in the future? PLEASE say yes!!!
I sure hope so! Working on that now! An email to Barbour would go a long way. If you've enjoyed Addison's story and want the rest of the series I planned published, please shoot them an email and tell them! You can go to www.barbourbooks.com and then the "contact us" link. Thanks!

**BIG MOTORCYCLE ROAR**

Oh, look who's here! Welcome, Wes. Now, would you spit out that gum, please? This is a reputable blog. 

Okay.  ::::takes gum out of mouth and hands it to Anne::: Here.

Ew, I don't want that - trash can's over there. So. What are your intentions with our friend Addison? 

:::winks:::: wouldn't you like to know? Sorry, I can't help the sarcasm. We're still technically teenagers, so it's not like I'm ready to march down the aisle. ::shudder:: But you know? Maybe one day. In the far, far future.

It seems you could have any girl you want. Why Addison? 

Addison's cool, you know? She's not like other girls. She's...::voice trails off::: she's just Addison. And that's all I'm going to say. ::clears throat::

How come you're a jerk one minute and a dream the next? Make up your mind buddy. 

Predictable is boring. Besides, Addison knows the real me, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it, Anne. She gets it. ::Leans in close::: Hey, do I need to tell Addison she has competition? ::winks again::

I should warn you that my husband reads this blog and in Texas it's not illegal to carry guns :). Anyway, I don't know how to formulate another question without giving out a spoiler. So what has this experience in Addison's book meant for you as a person? 
Why you gotta ask me all the heavy stuff? ::sigh:: I'm only doing this interview for Addison anyway because she said she'd go for a ride on my motorcycle if I did. ::straightens shoulders:: I guess she helped me see a lot about what it means to be real.  A real friend. A real boyfriend. A real believer in, you know, God and stuff. She showed me not everyone has to be the way they thought they were destined. ::shrugs:: Sometimes destiny can be re-written. That's where the faith stuff comes in that I'm trying to learn more about.

Awesome, Wes. I'm warming up to you, though if my daughter ever met someone like you, I'd probably lock her up in her room :). Speaking of whom, gotta go give her some attention.

To meet Wes, and Addison, and other fun characters, buy Confessions of a PK on Amazon here! Also check out Betsy's blog and author page. Warning: you might become a lifetime fan!

Don't Talk To Me, I'm Sleep Deprived

<- My little smiling burrito.

If you've tried to start (and/or finish) a productive conversation with me in the last few days, I apologize. My body was with you, however, my spirit remained in bed, under the covers, right before kids started screaming and poopy diapers started exploding.

I'm so not exaggerating. The amount of bodily fluids I have to deal with on a daily basis is unbelievable. Screams too, as both my kids want my FULL attention 100% of the time, and when they don't get it, they usually make some loud noise. So I have to choose which wail I'd rather deal with at the moment.

But yes, there is hope - if there wasn't, I wouldn't be here writing this blog. That alone shows that every once in awhile, the Lord sends an angel to quiet each child and peace reigneth in this house once again. Right now, Melissa's actually awake, but playing by herself (miracle!), and Andrew's asleep. Heaven.

Even before that though, despite the usual chaos, it's been a pretty good day. The thing I've been learning lately is to adjust my expectations. I'd been having a hard time enjoying being a mom of two, and feeling like every. Single. Day. A disaster happened, but lately I've been learning that these are not disasters. My little (okay, plenty of) flustered moments are just the way things are right now. Which means that yes, both kids will most likely have simultaneous immediate needs several times a day. And no, neither of them will like being the one who gets to wait. And no, pretty often each need will not be a "quick fix". How does one keep her sanity in the midst of this, you may ask? I don't know. I don't think I'm one to say lol.

My point is that once I've started not expecting things to be the way they were before Andrew was born, I've become freer to enjoy the way they are. Like, now I have a cute little guy looking up at me as if I'm the eight wonder of the world. It's funny, he seems to pick the moments I'm the most frustrated to flash me a big smile. As if saying, "hey mom, I might be killing you right now, but I'm having a great time!" :) And there's nothing more endearing than that.

Chaos...I Give In

<- Notice the look of horror on Andrew's face, antecipating Melissa's "tough love." :)


Shhhhhh. Melissa's sleeping (can you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) and Andrew's awake but currently not calling for me, so I'm gonna use this moment to blog.

It's funny that I wait so much to have me-time like this, and when I do, I'm too paranoid about it ending to fully enjoy it. So I always end up doing one (or more) of the following:

- eat a humongous amount of chocolate, for the simple fact that I can, but forgetting to stop long enough to enjoy it (break might end at any second!);

- watch silent TV with captions on (which can give you a headache fast if you're sleep deprived);

- clean something (then hate myself for not resting on the only moment of the day when there wasn't a kid attached to me);

- go on facebook and envy all those people out there who have lives outside of poopy diapers, breastmilk spills and yelling toddlers.

Speaking of toddler, Melissa's the sweetest of them all, but also possibly the loudest. Hubby and I joke that she only has 3 volumes - high, higher and HIGHEST; there's no "middle" or "low". I can tell Andrew's fascinated with her, but slightly freaked out when she tries to hug him or squeeze his hands/feet/head. She can really agitate him, and when I finally manage to calm him down, she seems to feel the need to fill in the silence by going, "HI BABY! AWWWW SO SWEET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING MOMMY? BABY'S SLEEPING!" Um, well, not anymore.

Needless to say, at this moment I'm researching birth control options lol. I think the pill made me bloated and emotional (more so than normal :). So now I'm leaning towards using this thing called Paragard (something the doctor inserts in your uterus). Google says it's wonderful to some people but horrible to others, but I do like the fact that it's hormone free. Anyone out there has any knowledge/opinion on the subject?

I started writing this post this afternoon, and am finishing now at almost 10 at night. Story of my life these days :). But much like life as a mom of 2, slowly I'm getting the hang of it. My mantras now have been don't fight the chaos, expect the chaos, PREPARE for the chaos. So I eat a protein bar at lunchtime knowing lunch might not happen anytime soon, always have wipes nearby for frequent disasters, and try not to see it as failure if both kids happen to be miserable at the same time. According to my month-and-a-half experience in this, a couple of meltdowns are just part of our new regular "routine". And if so, I guess it's been a pretty good day.

You're a Mother of 2 If...

1-You've discovered 45647 things you can do with a baby attached to your boob;

2-You feel like you just joined the gym, for all the extra activities during the day;

3-And just like joining the gym, it's TORTURE at first, and then slowly your energy level increases by the demand (much like breast milk);

4-In order to accept the fact that you'll always have a kid glued to you 90% of the time, you learn to think of them as your new animated body parts;

5-Your first kid now looks HUGE;

6-You realize what a whiner you were when you only had 1 kid;

7-You've let go of your "too much TV will give my toddler autism" fears;

8-You worry about preventing sibling rivalry several times a day;

9-You sometimes wish your older child didn't like the baby quite so much, especially when he's sleeping;

10-Your toddler comes up with every possible need the moment you start nursing (bringing you back to number 1).

Yes, There IS Life After 2 Kids :)

Guess what: I had a boy!! And his name is Andrew David Prado, born on January 25th, 2012 at 8:35 a.m.

Sorry I haven't posted anything earlier - I'm amazed at mothers who blog from the hospital room and register every new emotion of having their 2nd baby. I mean, when do you sleep?? Or pee?? My mom's here from Brazil to help for the first month, and still, everyday at some point I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. Or at several points :).

Don't get me wrong - whenever both kids are fed, clean and happy (or at least "ish"), it's heaven. It really is all of those cheesy things you see in Lifetime movies: the wonder of becoming a bigger family, and your heart's about to explore with pride. I told David the other day that it often feels like I won't need any other kids, because these 2 are already so wonderful. Why test the blessing, right?

But other little reason why I might be done having kids is because this delivery was THE hardest I ever, ever thought I'd have.

This time around, I wasn't too afraid of giving birth. I'd gone through it once, survived, and realized it would'be gone even smoother if I hadn't feared it so much. So this time I was determined to be as relaxed about it as physically/mentally I could be.

Which, if you know me, you know it isn't much :).

Let's start from before the beginning, when my due date came and went, and I felt fainter and fainter everyday from carrying this ENOURMOUS baby. Seriously, the impression I had was that I was going to die from carrying him. Like my belly would end up exploding, or my legs would give in or something. From week 38 on, I started begging the doctor to induce me. At a 36 week ultrasound, they already said Andrew weighed 7 lbs and 11oz!!

I kept telling the doctor I didn't want to deliver a 9lbs baby - not (just) for fear of how much it'd hurt, but because I knew of all the complications it could bring. I'd watched a "One Born a Minute" episode where the baby got stuck in his mom's vagina and when they finally pulled him out, he was BLUE and didn't show signs of breathing for several seconds. I don't cry much watching tv, but I couldn't help but tear up when the baby cried and everything turned out okay. And I prayed that I'd never, ever have to face a situation like this.

Another thing I hoped not to face was a surprise c-section. Now, I'm not against them - thank God someone came up with a way to take a baby out if his or the mom's life's at risk. No wonder in the old times lots more people died giving birth. Both my sisters had to have c-sections and turned out okay, so I knew the world wouldn't end if I couldn't do it through my hoo ha.

But what I didn't want was to push for several hours, experience the painful ordeal of birthing naturally, only to be told "never mind, you're going to have surgery NOW". I imagined that would be so scary and stressful that I'd be really disappointed.

So guess what ended up happening to me. I got not one, but BOTH of my two labor fears. Three, if you count going overdue. They started inducing me on January 24th's afternoon, but nothing happened. Then the doctor gave me (or herself :) a break for the night, and it felt wonderful to be off of pitocin AND sleep soundly with the Ambien they gave me.

What I didn't expect was to wake up 3 to 4 cm dilated, and only a couple hours after that, already 8! I pleaded for the epidural, but they said there was no time anymore. The pain at each contraction felt scary, like the baby was going down but there'd be no room for him to get out. I SCREAMED like women in labor do in movies - gosh, I think I yelled at every single person who passed by me. This nice little nurse was trying to introduce herself and I just shouted, "yeah, yeah, yeah, HURRY". Lol, so much for my plans to 'be cool' :).

But the one positive side of this was that, to my surprise, when the doctor said we'd have to do a c-section, I only felt nervous for like a second. Then I thought, wait, going numb belly down?? Count me in! What I actually said was, of course, "HURRY!!!!" Another lady was filling out forms for the c-section (oh, c'mon, give me a break) and even jumped at my cry and went to do what she had to away from me lol.

I remember I hated getting the epidural when I had Melissa - it was one of the most painful parts of the process, probably because they had to try it 3 times before getting it on the right place. But this time I was so grateful to be receive any relief that I did MUCH better than before, with being still and all. Everyone seemed surprise that all of a sudden I'd stopped shaking like a crazy woman, but my mentality was, if you stop this pain, I'll do whatever you want! :) I might've even found strength to do a little dance lol.

The c-section felt weird, but not nearly as much I thought it would. The absence of contractions was WONDERFUL. My body relaxed so much I had a hard time staying awake. The excitement of seeing Andrew helped, but after they took him, my eyes were shut and I rested until they took me to the recovery room and I could finally hold him.

Nursing went about a million times better than it did with Melissa at first. But it was hard to enjoy it with these awful headaches I kept having because of the spinal anesthesia. Don't ask me how it works (I was too out of it when they explained it :), but for some reason my head would HURT when I'd lift it, and only go back to normal if I laid it flat. The first time it happened, I wondered if that was how a seizure felt like. Even opening my eyes felt excruciating. At least it usually didn't last an entire day - mostly just in the morning, but it could last for several hours. Which made nursing a challenge to say the least.

I don't want to go on and on about the first days' hardships (even though I just did hehe). Of course, I'm still on the first days - Andrew's only a week and a half old. But I can say that things have already gotten a lot better. We're still figuring things out, but the headaches seem to be all gone, THANK GOD. I'm not yet 100% sure how in the world I'm gonna take care of a 2-year-old and a newborn once my mom leaves, but I try to remember I felt the same way after having Melissa, and somehow we made it 'til here. As much as the hard times can feel harder than ever, the good times are also better than we've ever had before. And just that makes it all worth it.

Is the Baby REALLY Coming??

<- I think my stork got lost.

I have my doubts sometimes. Silly, I know - I mean, I saw the baby on the ultrasound, so I know for a fact there's a live human being in me. But there's something about getting so pumped up about being in labor, and then when you realize you weren't, it's hard to keep your hopes up. Which brings you to denial that the baby will actually come one day.

This last week and a half or so I've been feeling like there's no way I can be pregnant one more day, and then I am. Really, every morning I wake up with the impression that if he goes any lower, he'll come out. But another evening comes and I'm in shock NOTHING has happened. Not even the confusing on and off contractions I had a few days ago. Sometimes they'd last for as long as 2 HOURS, and then disappear as if they were a figment of my imagination. I mean, wasn't I supposed to be sure it's the real thing if they last for an hour?? So you see how now I've become a skeptic.

Which is totally ridiculous of me, considering I'm 39 weeks and the doctor said she won't let me go over 41, meaning I only have 2 more weeks at the most to go. AND my mom's arriving from Brazil this coming Thursday, so if I really look around me, things are happening. Today the angel of my mother in law came over and helped me tidy up the place (take out the Christmas tree and prepare space for mom to sleep in). This has REALLY helped, not only with the tasks themselves, but also for me psychologically. Seeing our home ready for the baby reminds me that no, I'm not waiting in vain. The baby WILL come out.

It just seems so surreal to me still. The concept of having another child, that I'll bond with the same way I have with Melissa. This blows my mind. To know that another little person will give me this much joy (and pain :). I mean, how do you get enough heart to store up this much love (and pain lol)? The anticipation of it all (including that detail called labor) can drive you crazy.

Next post will most likely be about Andrew OUT of me, as my brain fries more and more the longer I wait. So pray it'll be soon!!