It's aaaaa.....

Check out these ultrasound pics and take a guess:

Adorable, right?? And did you find a pee pee anywhere? I know, it's hard to see much (these are actually pictures of the pictures :), but even the technician couldn't detect any boy parts, which meeeans...

It's - most likely - a GIRL!!!!!

I say most likely because turns out my fluid is low (it's Andrew's fault! He loves my bottle of water, so I have to hide it from him and end up not drinking enough), that's why the images weren't too clear. The meanie technician wouldn't give us 100% certainty, but then my midwife said it must be true because she wrote "female" on the chart, and according to my midwife, she only does that when she's 100% sure. So I'm giving myself permission to think that yes, I'm having a girl (especially since babies' pee pees tend to stick out pretty well :). At least we're having another ultrasound in 3 weeks (after I drink truckloads of water) to recheck the fluid, so by then I should REALLY know. 

Now, after all this long explanation lol, I'm still digesting the news. I felt like it was a girl since I found out I was pregnant, but then my mom dreamed it was a boy, and it's amazing how often her dreams come true. So I started to prepare myself psychologically for it - and now, turns out it's a girl!! I have to reprogram my brain again :). 

This is how I'm feeling - like somebody told me that I'm either going to the beach or to the movies on a Saturday. I'd choose the movies, 'cause I'm more of an indoors person, but when I suspect it's the beach, I put my bathing suit on and start getting excited. But then they tell me we're going to the movies! Of course I'm happy 'cause that's what I hoped for, but I feel so completely unprepared. Like, now I smell like sunblock! :) Translated to having-a-baby terms, I haven't imagined having another girl lately, or planned for it enough. I feel like I need to catch up!

Anyway, I'll get there lol. Right now I'd better go to sleep so I can keep up with my already born children tomorrow. Please leave a comment to let me know you stop by!

Monday Musings: The Heart Reconstructor

Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Isn't it amazing how this can be the first thing we ignore when we feel insecure/anxious or just plain bored? Think of how many times have you watched crap on TV (that you KNEW would make you feel yucky later) simply because there was nothing else on. 

But the reason why I thought of this post is that I know so many people who are suffering (or have suffered). Good, wonderful people who got hurt by not so good ones. And even if they had something to do with it, the fact of the matter is, their hearts were broken. Yes, with time, they got the pieces back together and moved on, but a little part or two is sure to be left behind.

That's what happens in this twisted world we live in. Eventually our hearts can come to the point of not feeling whole anymore. But I remember a good friend of mine, who'd been through 2 divorces, and told me that her breakthrough came when she prayed that God would make her feel whole again - and He did just that.

I thought it was so cool at the time, and still do. It hurts me that some of the people I admire most have been traumatized in a really big way. Bad experiences can leave such a bad taste in your mouth that all your outlook on life changes. I've been through that too (spent the first 2 years after college pretty much in a daze), and sadly, I don't know a person who hasn't gone through any kind of crisis. Who's never been let down, and had their innocence taken away. Like it was never supposed to happen if sin had never entered the world.

But here's the good new: there's a heart reconstructor. You know, God created you in the first place. He knows where the lost pieces of your broken heart are. And better yet, He still knows what He made it with, so He can still make the whole thing over if He has to! He's still got some heart material hidden somewhere lol. 

Jokes aside, God KNOWS how to make you over. You don't need to drag your trauma like a ball and chain. Of course things can mature us in a positive way, but to let it haunt you forever isn't from God. You're not doomed by it. There's another exit from this - let Him reconstruct you into the person you were always meant to be (and are). 

Whoa, almost 19 Weeks!! & ALMOST Gender Reveal :)

Today's belly shot has been invaded by my millions of kids :)

I know, I know - my plans to be so faithful in keeping updates aren't always happening. It's not all my fault! I stayed about 2 weeks without a computer (how did I even breathe??) because my old one went to computer heaven (or hell lol).

But there's a happy ending to this tragic story: I got a Mac Air!!!!! Oh my goodness, I can't even believe it. It took 3 pregnancies for husband finally hear my cry on buying a lighter laptop. With this I can type until I give birth! Because by the time you're 8 months, ANY pressure on your thighs (unless it's like, your older kid) makes you want to die.

Anyway. On to pregnancy reports! 2nd trimester still rocks, BUT the baby's definitely going through a growth spurt. Which means that although I have more energy, the muscles around my belly can't take too much. Not that it's so bad to chase 2 little ones (walking around helps me feel better, or reminds me to get up and stretch). It's just bending and heavy lifting that can really hurt me. So yeah, my TV rules have loosened up a bit. But the kids are still having every meal at the table! Like they say, "aim for the moon and you might reach the stars", or something like that. Aim for perfect parenthood and you might end up descent! 

With my belly bulging more, I think the kids are starting to grasp the concept that another sibling is coming. Andrew likes to poke my belly, and I make it talk to him lol. Then he starts wanting to feed it with his food, and it's not so fun anymore :). He's growing up so fast, and I'm cherishing the last moments of him being the baby for as long as they last. It's hard, because I feel like I didn't have enough time to just enjoy his babyhood before focusing on another one. And note to moms wondering if they'll be able love another kid as much as their first - YES you will. You'll be in awe of each child, no matter the birth order. And he's turning into such an adorable little boy! I pray that he never feels ignored in the middle, because he's as special as if he was the only one. 

Melissa's still a sweet and fun sister, but I've noticed she's started some regression (whining/behaving like a baby, or getting upset if we tell her she's big). One morning I had the revelation to tell her that even if she grows up THIS big (I raised my arm) and a bunch of babies come, she'll always be mommy's baby. She opened a huge smile, and then her mood was like night and day - from complaining about everything to being happily compliant. 

I'm SO glad God gave me the idea to say this because she's been so moody, and I hadn't yet considered that it could be because of the baby (since she's already been through having a younger sibling). But the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense - she might wonder where she fits in now that all these babies are coming :). Also hearing me talk about it like it's an exciting thing might give her the impression that being a baby is more special than being big. I'm trying to make sure she still feels like our little one, and not like she's expected to just be a grown girl without ever being babied anymore.

Now, on to the part of the ALMOST gender reveal: we'll find out Tuesday around 4:00!! I bursting out of my seams with excitement. We'll get to call the baby by his/her name! Which will be Holly for a girl or Kevin for a boy. My mom dreamed it's a boy, so I'm pretty much believing it is, because I never doubt her dreams anymore - she dreamt I'd have a girl quickly (and then I got pregnant with Melissa after just 3 weeks trying), and another time she dreamt her friend was pregnant and it turned out to be true. We'll see if she's right again in 3 short days!!

And YES, I hereby make the commitment to post extensively about the official gender reveal. But please leave comments so I'll remember to stop jumping up and down enough to do it :).  

16 Weeks Random Happenings

After trying to figure out a direction for this post, I decided it didn't have any lol. So I'm just going to write what's going on with no intention of order/making sense. Read on if you dare:

- I miss my baby. You know, the one in my belly, that I don't get to hug or kiss yet. Isn't it crazy? You'd think, don't you have enough kids to hug/kiss? :) Well, somehow, I need to do that with this one too! It's kind of unfair that I have to feel the discomforts of carrying him/her but not their limbs lol. Never thought I'd say that this early, but hey, according to thebump.com, our baby is now an avocado with arms! And that's rockable, right?

- Speaking of baby getting bigger, I'm happy to report that the fluttering has officially turned into kicks! I mean, it's still fluttering most of the time, but once in awhile I feel a "tumble" (like he/she tripped and fell with legs up in the air :). So not like strong, intentional, "get me out of here" types of kicks that you get later on, but more than swimming for sure!

- I'm also happy to report that my efforts to keep the kids TV-free (at least before naptime) have remained. It has NOT been easy on days that I feel pregnanter and more tired, but now it's a matter of honor lol. I guess I shouldn't have blogged about it! :) But seriously, this is a rare non-intentional progress I've made as a mother, and I don't have the courage to let the kids go backwards on their TV-addiction freedom at this point.

Less TV = more time to examine daddy :)

Table meals together = secret to weaning them off of Nick Jr!

Now, on to another abrupt random subject change: whenever I google "having three kids", I come across posts from moms saying how depressed they were while pregnant with #3, or how they can't get as excited as they did with the first two because they worry so much about the logistics.

And it's funny, I've always been the neurotic type, but somehow I don't share their sentiments at ALL. I think what killed me in the 1st pregancy (when I was anxious most of the time) was the newness of it - the fear of not knowing how to be a mom. With the 2nd, I feared not knowing how to be a mom of more than one kid. Now I'm like, bring it on lol. Like, I KNOW it's possible to adjust eventually even if you're completely overwhelmed at the beginning. The first 3 months after Andrew was born I had a breakdown almost everyday, wondering how I'd EVER be able to manage those 2. But the wonderful news is that kids grow up! And it does get better with time. 

So there you have it! My directionless post that comes from the heart. Please leave a comment so I know you've endured it to the end :)

15 Weeks! And How to Stay Sane With Too Many Kids

Okay, people with 3+ kids are probably rolling their eyes at my title - but hey, I've never had 2 1/2 before! :)

2nd trimester continues to be great, although 1st trimester still comes by for an occasional annoying visit. Nausea and exhaustion still hit me sometimes, but nothing compared to before. I can clean the house and not faint now! Which brings me to another interesting point...

I've found a secret that has revolutionized my routine with the kids and my ability to enjoy them even if I feel too pregnant to live. So are you ready for this life changing discovery?? Well, it might not be so for you (especially if you're a better homemaker than me), but the new healthy habit I've adopted is...

Keeping the dining table/room sacred.

I know, not earth-shattering, but you see, we don't have a kitchen table. So this is the only place where we can have our meals - well, aside from the couch, where I'm ashamed to say Melissa used to eat most of the time. Watching Yo Gaba Gaba, naturally.

That is, UNTIL I had the revelation one day to feed both kids in the dining room, just like margarine commercials. And I also made the commitment to always keep it clutter-free and clean. It sounds laborsome (if you're  a non-neat freak like me), but after awhile it's become surprisingly automatic, like brushing my teeth. What motivates me are these astonishing results:

- Melissa's TV obsession has gone way down;

- The kiddos have bonded more by being each other's only source of entertainment (aside from toys);

- True, they fight more too, but then I make them hug and make up, which is oh so cute;  

- Since less TV time, Andrew started taking more steps (yaay); 

- Seeing them so happy with no help of Nick Jr. makes me more confident about bringing in number 3 and surviving!

Now, before you think I've become anti-TV, far from it - they still do watch it, but I try not to let it go past the 1-hour mark per day (and usually after nap time when I'm just DONE with exhaustion and counting minutes till daddy comes home :).

Can you believe I typed that? They used to watch TV 24/7, so me putting a limit on it is huge. I didn't think I could even parent without this. To realize that being pregnant with 2 small kids would be EASIER with less TV just didn't seem to make sense. And yet, it does. 

So there you have it! My 15 week report. What did you want, an essay of my symptoms?? I can't even stand to read that, imagine other people lol. Aside from aforementioned preggo annoyances, I'm feeling relieved that my last check up 2 days ago went a-ok. Baby's still there, so this is really happening! Can't wait for ultrasound 4 weeks from now, when the pink or blue explosion shall begin :).

13 Weeks - The Worst is OVER (Well, Except for Labor :)

My 6-months-looking 3 months belly

Pregnancy updates are hard for me. I envy women who can give a report of their every hormone flunctuation, actually remember/write down their vitals at check ups and display them proudly. Really, I do. Because even though this feels like TMI for me personally, when it comes to other people, I don't mind it at all - even enjoy it.

But I've noticed that the "pregnanter" I become, the more private I tend to be. Not sure why - maybe for the fact that there's so much going on inside me that I have little energy left for the outside world.

Regardless, I shall honor my commitment! I said that in this pregnancy, I WOULD blog often and allow myself to celebrate/document it. So here we go:

First thing to report - 2nd trimester is AWESOME. Not that I feel awesome all the time (nausea is still a close and annoying friend), but energy has improved a lot. I'm not back to my pre-pregnant self, of course, just a thousand times better than my 1st trimester self. Back then, every inch of my being HURT. Constantly. Didn't matter if I went to bed at 9, or if I napped in the afternoon. Even after several hours of sleep, waking up ALWAYS felt like you pushed me VIOLENTLY out of bed at 2 in the morning after I'd gone to bed at 1 and had the flu lol. THAT horrible. 

It's a wonder the kids got fed/clean at all those 3 straight months. Geez, it's a wonder I got fed/clean! On the upside, I did lose a whole bunch of weight! All for being too nauseated/tired to eat. At my last midwife appt, my weight was the same as the beginning of my 1st pregnancy! So I think it was all worth it (you know, besides growing a baby :).

Now, I'm a new woman. I'm even afraid of my next weight check, because I can EAT. That is, if the food happens to be one that doesn't make me sick - which is still somewhat of a challenge to find. But when I do, I get SO excited that I just want to eat it forever.

Oh, one special thing to report - I think I felt the baby move the other night!!! I know, most of you are prob thinking it's gas, but I did read in several preggo websites that it IS possible for 3rd time moms to feel it this early. Plus, gas doesn't go "tap tap tap" like tiny little feet and then a roll. I felt like a whole peach with legs was alive inside of me lol. It was awesome.

So here you go. My 13 weeks and a day update. That wasn't as hard as I imagined it to be (although I did edit it a million times). Please leave a comment so I can gather up the courage to do this once again :).

The Babies Outside of Me - Melissa (Or Mini-Me)

Remember when I said on the last post that I'm getting used to Andrew's little-boyhood? I think I'm trying to figure out Melissa's big-girlhood as well. She USED to be a little girl. The kind that could easily be distracted by shiny objects lol. Now, it's not that she doesn't like them, but if it's not THE shiny object she's looking for, forget it!

Maybe the thing that scares me the most is how much alike we're becoming. She likes her little routines, just like someone I know :). Her pillow has to be at the right spot, and she has to have the right blanket. And if her "plan" for the moment somehow cannot be, it's BREAKDOWN time. Now, to an outside looker (or someone who doesn't suffer from the same OCD tendencies), it can just seem defiance, or being spoiled. I can tell you, from experience of having been an emotional child, that it's not simply that. Like me as a little girl, she needs those familiar things for security. She FEELS things too much - which also makes her loving as can be when she's not in turmoil. Melissa tells me, her dad, Andrew and often even the dog how much she loves us several times a day. LOVES to hug, kiss and please. BUT she does get hurt easily. Hence the tantrums that happen when whatever she's really counting on isn't going to happen. 

This doesn't mean, of course, that discipline isn't in order. I am guilty of getting overly frustrated when she won't let something go. And obviously, the angrier I'd get, the more emotionally distressed she'd become. It takes ENORMOUS self control of my part in order not to let her reactions get to me and just be firm, yet loving. Conveying the message, "everything's okay, the world isn't ending - but you still have to do as I say." That's tricky! :)

If you read the previous post, have you noticed yet how different Andrew and Melissa can be?? She's sensitive and delicate, he's daring and active. I mean, she's active too, just in different terms. I think that's why they still get along so well (most of the time anyway). Because despite their distinctive complicated ways, they're both still FUN.

* stay tuned for a preggie  update in the very near future!