Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I Miss My Baby

<- I also miss breastfeeding's de-puffing effects.

I never thought I'd say this. But I do. I'm SO excited Melissa's a little girl now, but sometimes I still miss her babyhood.

I miss it when I could hold her with one arm and blog with the other.

I miss it when those "mind numbing" routines, as I called it (feed the baby, change the baby, feed the baby, change the baby...) were ALL that I had to worry about for the day. And not Melissa's growing sense of self and will. And ability to harm herself.

I miss it when her poop didn't smell so much.

I miss it when there were no meals to prepare - just my boob. And yes, that was HARD in the beginning, but once we both got the hang of it, it was a breeze.

I miss it when she didn't feel a compulsion to swallow shiny objects.

A time when if we'd go to a store/restaurant, she'd stay happily strapped into her carseat. Sigh.

But given the chance, of course I wouldn't go back. I'm well aware there's something called a "selective memory", which I think is the only reason people keep having children.

I do NOT miss the middle of the night feedings.

I don't miss the look of "I don't know what I'm doing, please save me now" I had in every picture. Even if people couldn't see it, I can see it in my eyes. There's fear all over.

I do NOT miss not being able to talk to her. Ask questions and hear her say "yes" (sometimes even "yes, please"!) and "no". True, she doesn't always get the meaning of those right, but most of the time she means it.

Isn't it funny how I'm remembering those first few months as the "easy time"?? When we know there's nothing easy about it AT ALL. People get post-partum depression on it (I don't think I got it full blown, but definitely on and off). You're still mentally/physically traumatized by labor, and yet there's a little person demanding all of you.

Back then, when I'd see someone with a toddler, I'd think they had it SO much easier. But I do remember them stopping me to say how easy I had. Sigh. I guess it never gets really easy at all.


Ms. Blasé said...

My mother says this kind of stuff all of the time, i.e. "I soooooo enjoyed having babies!," "You two (my sister and I) were sooooooo adorable!," and "I loved it sooooooo much!"

In the meantime, I think to myself, "So what are we now, chopped liver?" Seriously, though, even though I'm not a mother, I think there's something to be enjoyed, cherished and relished at every stage of a child's development. The joy is watching them discover the world around them and become aware of things like love, friendship and the humor witin a good joke. As for me personally, however, I prefer them while they're still unable to talk or crawl,... but that's just because I'm a low-maintenance kind of gal :P

Jenner said...

I think at every stage of my daughter's life, I wanted her to stay right at that age. She is two years old now and so much fun. I know I am going to miss it when she's older.

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

Oh this makes me SO excited for our little girl :)

<3, New Follower
Come get a dose of laughter at A Taste of T

Kimberly said...

Anne, I think all your feelings are normal and shared by every other mother. I know I have said/felt the same things before. The hard part is knowing that the past is past. The good part is knowing that this time is special in its own right and each stage they will go through will have its own challenges and joys. Life's a journey and God created time. Besides, if they never grew up, that would be pretty weird!

Debbie said...

Love this! It really is all relative, isn't it? I'm visiting from The Lady Blogger and following you as well. Hope you have a lovely evening.

Anonymous said...

My dad tells me all the time that he misses when I was little. I used to take it as an insult, and sometimes it still bothers me, but I understand that he misses when I wasn't so grown up. I have a feeling he's just afraid that I'm getting older and more independent. Sometimes it feels restricting - well, all the time it does, actually, but I try to look at it from his perspective so I don't get too insensitive.

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