I Have Survived My Kid's 1st Birthday

...and here are the pictures that prove it:

My leg are shaky, and my hands are sore from icing those cupcakes, but I have, indeed, survived. Now I'm going though post party depression - you know, when you think of all the things you could've done, but didn't. Like sitting down to actually enjoy the party. It was a lot of fun to share this milestone with friends that have become like family, but I just wish I wasn't too exhausted to have a productive conversation with them. It was like a wedding; an amazingly meaningful moment, that went by in a blur.

I just published this post with several post party depression thoughts, but now that I've rested a tiny bit, I think I have a different outlook. Truth is, party went GREAT. The cupcakes turned out delicious, and I felt very Betty Crocker-y making them. I know I could've bought some, but I wanted that feeling. This was my way of celebrating my baby's birthday. True, it left me broken at the end of the day (now), but the reason I wouldn't give up on it was because I loved doing it. I wanted to have this experience to the fullest, and I did. Hence my utter exhaustion.

Whenever something means so much to me, I always have post whatever depression. I always feel like I didn't do it completely right. There's always something I could've done different, or more, or less. Does any mom out there feels that way? Whenever people post about their babies' first birthday, it always sounds like everything went perfectly, and the mom feels perfect afterwards. So if there are any imperfect moms out there, please manifest yourself so I don't think I'm crazy.

ps: Amber, thanks for tagging me, yay - will do it on next post!

Meanwhile, in Melissa's World... Part 2

Now that I'm going to be 1, some things have got to change.

First of all, what's up with you wanting me to sleep all the time?? Yes, twice a day plus the entire night is ALL THE TIME. I don't have time for this. I have to learn how to walk. I do get tired from it though, but then you're supposed to rock me. That's it. Don't expect anything else to happen.

Then, you gotta get more creative on your games. Peekaboo? So last month. I still kinda like it, but you know me, you gotta shake it up a little every once in awhile. I get bored easily. Like your cellphone - it used to be so exciting closed, and now it HAS to be open AND on the pages that I want. Or else I'll SCREEEAAAAAM!!!! Until you give me cheerios.

Another thing that's gotta change is your obssession with my diaper. It's just fine, mom. A little poop is not gonna kill me. At least it's better than you laying me on my back (oh, the horror), and wiping my intimate areas (double horror). I'm a little girl, mom. Not a baby anymore. Gotta give me some respect. Or at least make it interesting - sing, dance, and make it good. Then I just might crack a smile.

It might seem like I'm cranky (why do you always think I'm cranky?), but I'm actually delighted I'm turning 1. Exploration has never been so easy for me. And talking seems so close I can taste it. I know a lot of words already that I just haven't learned to say yet, but I'm hoping my facial expressions will give you a hint.

One last thing... Give up on that plan to wean me off on my birthday. That's some birthday gift.

The Cool Mom Project

<-Enjoying some cool weather (pre-highlights :)

I want to be a cool mom. I don't mean a "hip" mom (though that wouldn't be bad either), but a cool headed mom. A mom that, even when the world is falling apart, is a safe rock.

I want my kid to see me as a place where she can cry, and I'll comfort her, not freak out. Someone that can give her advice without adding worries, but taking them away. I want her to feel like I'll calm her enough so she can make the right decisions, and not add more pressure. Of course I'll want to push her in the right direction, but I don't want her to feel like I'm a walking lecture. In other words, I want to be a place where she can cool off.

A book called The Parent You Want to Be by Les and Leslie Parrott says that "who you are matters more than what you do". They mean that though the things you do as a parent are very important, even more crucial than that is the way your child perceives you. Do they see you as a happy/sad parent? Stressed out? Workaholic? Yeller? Or maybe passive?

Watching Melissa imitate nearly EVERYTHING I do (within her baby capabilities) has opened my eyes to this. I notice a change in her when I'm stressed out. I also noticed it when I'm more laid-back. She watches me, and learns from me about how to live life. And I don't know about you, but I want my daughter to be cool.

How to Unfrump Yourself

Not that I've succeeded yet (at least as much as needed). I'm just coming up with ideas, so if you have any, you're welcome to add more!

1- Highlight Yourself
Check - just did them Sunday:

What I mean is, pump your style up a bit. I'm usually more in favor of natural-looking color than crazy special effects, and loved it when people thought my redish brown was natural (nope, it's a bit darker). But the reason why I did this was because I couldn't stand looking at the mirror and just seeing a mom anymore. I needed something that said, "hey, I spent some time on myself, so I must exist besides the baby." If you don't want to change your hair, a new lipstick might rock your world just as much.

2- Trust Yourself
All throughout the day I'd been thinking things like, "This house is a mess - I don't know how to clean a house"; "Melissa is cranky - I don't know how to make her happy"; "I feel overwhelmed - I'm the worst time manager ever." Without realizing, I was paralyzing myself with the fear of failure, or believing I'd already failed. So lately I've been trying to be like, "This corner is messy - then I shall clean it up"; "Melissa is cranky - there must be a reason, or else it's naptime (yay)"; "I feel overwhelmed - I shall eat some chocolate".

3- Amuse Yourself
The other day, Melissa puked 3 times before noon. Of course it drove me crazy, but after I thought of telling this to David when he'd get home, I laughed. I mean, she already needed a bath before her morning naptime, which made her sleep for about 3 hours, by the way. If every puke means an hour of sleep, I say, bring 'em on :).

The Final Countdown (to Melissa's Birthday)

Melissa's birthday is exactly 2 weeks away!!!! Woooohooooooooo (doing a little dance since she's napping as well) :D

I never imagined myself with a 1 year old. I mean, of course I dreamed about it, but only the last couple of days it actually feels real to me. One of the reasons is this:

She's got earrings!!!! Her first bling!! I'm so friggin' proud that I don't even know what to do with myself. It's not just about the earrings, you guys. It's a milestone that we talked about doing around her first birthday, and now I can't believe it's here. She looks so grown up with those sparkly little things. Don't tell me she looks the same - that would make you a heartless person (and probably not a parent :).

Uh oh, I think someone's waking up now... Gotta go attend to princess Melissa - who's getting her way more than ever now with her growing good looks.

Why Motherhood is Not For Sissies

<- WARNING: Don't watch this movie before you have a baby - it might be scary (though if you're like me, you won't resist). But if you watch it afterwards, you'll nod your head in delight that you're a survivor.

Heavy Lifting

I can't believe I used to think Melissa was heavy when she was born, at 7lbs. Now, when I hold newborns, it feels like paper. At least what doesn't break you makes you stronger - though it does break your back, but you'll definitely get strong enough to hold a 19 lbs person while putting on make-up/sweeping the floor/preparing her bath.

Heavy Puking

Okay, do I need to elaborate? This is the part of every parenting book that I used to skip, thinking, "maybe I'll be the luckiest mom in the world, and it won't happen to me"... Well, that would make me the first mom in the world that wouldn't experience this on a regular basis. But eventually you learn how to avoid it (most of the time), or at least direct it to any other direction that's not you, the baby, or the carpet (which might mean some inocent toy hanging around).

Heavy. Period.

Haha not "heavy period" (that's a whole different topic :). But the scale and I have not been good friends ever since I became an anxious pregnant lady that could only be calmed by loads of chocolate. My calming drug of choice now? Brownies (hence the several mentions on previous posts). So I know I'm to blame for my heaviness, but ultimately it all comes down to motherhood. Before the pregnancy, I was addicted to a protein bar, believe it or not. Motherly anxiety triggered me go back to my evil ways.

So there you have it. If you are pregnant, prepare to enter a jungle, that will make you happier than you've ever been (don't judge by the first crazy days, I'll ask you later :), but a jungle nevertheless. Sorry, having a hard week (in case you haven't noticed).

I Want to Be a Real Housewife of Somewhere

<- NY are my favorites - they make me laugh more and show less boobs :)

No, I don't want cameras following me or any drama - but I am admiting to be jealous of how easy their lives seem to be. Of course I'm under "the other grass is always greener" effect - I know they have MAJOR issues, despite how rich they are. But I want their carefreeness. I want the spark that their lives seem to have, minus the crazy.

I wonder if spark and crazy go hand in hand, though? I know I'm generalizing, but I think people that get everything VERY easy tend to be more oblivious about their own faults. Like, it's hard to see you're shallow if you can have whatever you want. It's also hard to see you don't care about people if everyone caters to you.

Of course this is also jealous me speaking; I only wish I even had enough money to have half of their issues. Ok, let me rephrase that - I don't want any of their issues. Some of them are too messed up even for me to watch. And I'd hate to live in that bubble where everyone has to look and act fabulous all the time. I love it that my friends love me even with no make up, a spit up on my shirt and too much exhaustion to have an intelligent conversation. But I guess I just want those crazy rich ladies' confidence; the way they truly do believe they've got it together. I could use some of that, but it's kinda hard without a personal stylist on call.

5 Awesome Autumn Things

<- We love Autumn :)

1- Melissa's Birthday
I absolutly love, love, LOVE that from now on, getting colder will mean that Melissa's birhtday is coming up. Halloween was never too exciting for me (remember, I'm from Brazil, so it's not big over there), but THIS is a celebration worth dressing up my kid in a funny costume and eating lots of sugar.

2- Ugly Sweaters
Who, like myself, loves an ugly sweater?? They happen to be the most comfortable, and when it's really cold, people won't look at you funny (much :). I've heard of the idea of an "ugly sweater party", and I HAVE to do that one day. Who's in??

3- Orange Stuff
I usually don't like orange, but there's something about Fall that makes it look warm, cozy and magical. Like the world turns into a gigantic fireplace.

4- Trees That Match My Lipstick

Kinda, doesn't it? (L'Oreal Toasted Almond, FYI)


5- Cookie-Smelling Candles
So you don't have to eat the cookie. That way you can eat your brownie guilt-free :).