Saturday, July 9, 2011

I Think My Baby Ate My Brain

<- 12 weeks of brain mushiness

That's the only explanation. My mind's foggier than when I'd just given birth to Melissa - though I might be exaggerating, since the whole selective memory thing gives us enough amnesia to want to do this again :).

But lately I feel like everything is taking at least double the effort. Not just physically, but mentally too. It takes longer for me to figure things out. I used to be able to come up with a game plan for Melissa - if she seemed hungry, offer this; if cranky, then this; if hungry and cranky, then something else (plus the Wiggles). Now, I feel like I've turned dumb. Most of the time I don't have the faintest idea of what to do with her. There are certain routines that I do still follow (like her regular breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks), but even the timing and what I serve on these seem off. I just hope I don't mess her up too much until this baby comes out of me.

So I came to the conclusion that either my brain has become fetus food or my hormones have overcrowded it, turning half of it inactive. I cry for no reason often (or for silly reasons, like someone's sad on TV), have a headache if I think too hard and feel guilty almost all the time. I think, for example, that Melissa deserves a more energetic mother. Someone who isn't too busy growing a person to be completely in tune with her every need.

Of course I'm being dramatic - there are moments when everything feels right in the world, we're bonding and I'm so happy I'll have not one, but two little kids to squeeze. Melissa is such a little girl now that, when she's not being difficult, she's so funny and smart and sweet. I tell her that there's a baby in my belly and she looks at it confused, saying: "Where's the beddy? [she thinks it's more fun to say "belly" - "beddy" - than baby] Where did it go? Beddyy, where aare yoou?" She cracks me up everyday.

I think my body is shutting down my mind for anything except the baby, unless it's strictly necessary (like Melissa and hubby). It's annoying, 'cause I do want to be productive in other areas too (like writing), but EVERYTHING just seems like such a humongous effort. Strangely enough, at the same time I have been a little more disciplined about a few house chores (like cleaning the kitchen and the floor/carpet). Maybe my body understands that as strictly necessary (which I'm ashamed to say, it didn't always before :).


Kimberly said...

That was fun to read - I could have written this exact post when I was pregnant the second time. I remember spending weeks thinking, "I cannot play. I cannot pick that up. I cannot have this conversation. I cannot make a meal." Don't worry - it will pass. Just give yourself a break and realize that sometimes just coping is enough. Melissa won't really suffer and just think of the playmate and friend she will have forever! You aren't losing your brain, you are having a baby! :) By the way, how are those travel plans working out?

Anonymous said...

Great post! You look beautiful. :-)
-jen R.

Echo said...

Your not alone, I lost the majority of my brain with each pregnancy, and I've had three! Don't worry, it comes back, well mostly anyway! lol

Heather @ Side of Sneakers said...

Such a well written post- your brains aren't all gone! :)

Anonymous said...

Melissa is a darling little girl. I cannot relate to the mommyness of the blog but sometimes we all forget our routines when we have to pick up another one!

Miss Felicity said...

Love the look of your blog, the layouts fantastic. Just stopping by from The Lady Bloggers Society :) Happy Saturday!

Momma Teacher Lady said...

Stopping by from Social Tea Party!

Kelly Coyle DiNorcia said...

Hello, I'm visiting from the Social Tea Party! Glad to have found you!

They say that parenthood actually increases your grey matter, thereby making you smarter. Ann Crittenden says if you've raised children, you can do anything. As for me....I definitely went the way of the brain mush!

Ms. Blasé said...

Even on your mushy-brain days you write wonderful posts!... AND look fabulous!! (Blue is definitely a good color on you, by the way.)

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