So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

Those are some pretty big slippers to fill. 

I once read a magazine article that made me feel like a rock star. It was about a mom who'd been laid off from her office job and was finding staying at home to be much more difficult. Take THAT, Hilary Rosen!

Truth is, though, that I've been a stay-at-home mom for so long (ever since, uh, I became a mom) that I don't even feel like such a martyr anymore. Maybe for the simple fact that I've never been a working mom, so I wouldn't know how it's like. I will tell you, though, that staying at home is not any easier. I think that the longer you've been doing what you're doing, the harder it'll be to transition to something else. And THAT might give you the impression that staying at home is torture compared to the routine you had before.

In reality, it's not. You're just not used to it. At first, it's odd having to depend on a little person's schedule all day in order to do the simplest things - like pee or eat. Specially in the first days, you do crave adult interaction. But like with everything in life, eventually your body - and mind - adjusts.

So here's a little handy-dandy list I've come up with to help any working mom out there who's about to take the plunge:

The Art of Waking Up
We stay-at-home moms need to be organized for their own sake, because there's no boss telling us we're late for anything. Only the kid(s) crying, and threatening to keep us from doing ANYTHING for ourselves. Here's the trick - DON'T let them. Do what you have to in the morning (pee, brush teeth); he/she will not die from crying just a minute more. 

Fear Not, Nap Time Is Near
When the day gets really, really, REALLY tough, here's what it means - the baby/child needs a nap. Kids don't understand how they feel like adults do, so when they're exhausted, they just think the world sucks (actually, not so different from adults lol). So if it's been at least 3 hours since he/she woke up, and they've become impossible to deal with, put them in bed/crib and don't look back. Even if they refuse to sleep, at least YOU have the right to remain silent for awhile.

Embrace The New Phase
With every transition there is mourning, because as wonderful as it is, it's also a death of what it used to be. So don't feel bad for missing your more carefree days. At the same time, try to remember the honorable position you're in. Yes, it might feel daunting, but what new thing isn't? While you're worried about whatever image of perfect stay-at-home mom you have, you're becoming your own version of it. Every metamorphosis is uncomfortable and confusing, until all of a sudden, you start to soar.

And I Thought I Had This "Having 2 Kids" Thing Down...

...but I meant the kids I had last month. Who are these crazies today??

Don't get me wrong: I have the 2 best kids in the world. Andrew's a super mellow baby, sleeping through the night and everything. Melissa's as sweet as can be - she loves to hug, kiss, say "I love you", and even has no trouble saying "I'm sorry" when she does something wrong. Sounds like perfection, right? Well, let me tell you, life with 2 kids is NEVER perfection. 

My day starts with Andrew screaming in the monitor, and by the time I'm going up the stairs, I can hear Melissa having a breakdown also. I don't know why both kids have to wake up like life's ending and they're gonna be left there forever, but that's how it goes. Oh, and meanwhile, the dog is howling too, demanding food, freedom, and, most of all, ATTENTION. 

So the plan of attack is: feed dog. Go upstairs, grab bigger kid, sit her on the potty with a toothbrush in her mouth, grab baby next door, find a way to assist Melissa out of the bathroom while a VERY hungry baby wiggles in my arms, go down the stairs without dropping anyone, grab some easy snack for Melissa, tell her for the millionth time she can drink water on her own (she's been asking for us to give it to her like a baby), sit down at the couch, nurse Andrew, change him, give him some love (all the while Melissa's munching and/or torturing the dog), and then stick him into his bouncer. 

JUST THEN I can start to think about getting my own breakfast, careful not to make any brisk moves in order not to remind Andrew of my existence. And as I'm trying to fix myself something, Melissa's whining about the snack that's gone/the dog that bites/her leg that's itchy/the list is endless...

Tired yet? Well, I'm not even mentioning the little "diversions" in between, like cleaning up as I go, laundry and Melissa's latest habit of NEEDING a hug whenever I pick up the baby, or NEEDING to go to the bathroom (even if she just did) whenever I give Andrew any sort of attention, or NEEDING period. Seriously, sometimes she doesn't even know what to ask for, but wants to whine just because. She goes, "I need, I need, I need," and stops, because she doesn't even know what else to say. 

Andrew's growing up too (and NEEDING more too lol). If I'm having fun with Melissa, he makes the cutest I'm-feeling-left-out face and fake-cries to me. I remember what it was like to be the youngest sibling and feel like everyone's having fun without you, so I grab him and end up sandwiched between them both. Then, Andrew pulls Melissa's hair/kicks her/annoys her somehow, Andrew decides he's not in nursing position enough, and we're back to square one. It's very, very rarely that I can make us ALL (including me) happy at the same time.

My point with this post isn't to bore you to death, but to explain to the world why this blog has been neglected. Yes, they do nap (THANK GOD), but I've been working on other writing projects, and just sitting and writing about being a mom (which I already live out so intensely :) has taken a backseat. This isn't the end of this blog though! I still adore it and plan to give it some more attention in a couple of months. But for now, y'all will have to bear with my few spurts of mommy-stress reports here and there.

I do have a couple of started posts that were never completed (on updates on our family, or about being a stay-at-home mom - for working girls contemplating it). Let me know if there are any other topics you'd like to read about! It'll be a good incentive for me to keep coming back. That is, if you still want me to lol. 

Postpartum Clothing Crisis

<- At least there's always a kid in front of me :)

Is it any wonder that, after being pregnant for almost 2 of the past 3 years, now I don't know what to do with my unpregnant self?

NOT that I want to be pregnant again, but I'm honestly not used to this amount of freedom. Ahem, as much freedom as you can have with a toddler and a nursing 4-month-old. The thing is, though, I don't know how to dress myself in non-maternity clothes anymore. I even get upset when something turns out to be too baggy, 'cause that means I'll have to find the equivalent in regular size, which never ends up well.

Here's my problem in the non-impregnated world: my vision is distorted. It's ridiculous how my size estimates are off. LOTS of things have grown. And then, others (by the Lord's grace) not so much. So I find myself in this in-between size, where I'm not a Lane Bryant girl just yet but definitely graduated from anything beyond the "woman" (meaning, "we-put-an-S-instead-of-an-L-just-to-make-you-feel-better") size.

So I think there should be a store called After Baby or something, where you can buy nursing friendly everything, and clothes that are like, XL on the bust, M+ (WHY isn't there an M+?? Sometimes neither M or L will work) on the waist, L on the hips (with soft fabric to accommodate your C-section) and M on the legs. See my problem? I'm like a multiple personality case. It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to shop anywhere now.

This store would also have cute short (and comfortable) heels, which are the rarest things to find. It's like the world thinks that you either want to be on the ground or climbing over HIGH, never-have-to-chase-a-kid (or move) heels. I've already bought some cute flats, but you know, sometimes you want to feel a bit more put-together. So I have to wait 'till the kids are off to college and I'm not running around anymore to wear a decent pair of shoes??

Sorry, if this sounds like a rant, it is. And no, I am not seriously thinking of opening up a store. I've worked in retail before, and don't think I have the gift for it. I just miss being in a defined state in life (very pregnant or before I ever got pregnant, during a healthy phase when I even went to the gym). Now, I've given up trying to go on shopping sprees for extra cute stuff and just purchase whatever "works". Isn't that how the first frumpy mommy was born?

Commercial Break: Book Review of Betsy St. Amant's "Confessions of a PK"

This is way, way overdue. I was supposed to post this before giving birth, but crying and praying to go into labor already doesn't necessarily put you in the mood to review a book :). Which is a shame, because this is for sure one of the best YA (Young Adult) books out there.

You see many novels about perfect teenagers or really messed up ones, so I loved it when my friend and writing guru Betsy St. Amant came up with a fun story about a girl who is kinda perfect, but really messes up a LOT. I bet it will comfort a lot of good girls out there, and encourage them to cut themselves some slack. Why are always under the impression that we have to earn God's acceptance? I think the message of this book is refreshing and inspiring to people (not just teenagers) wherever they are in the relationship with God, or even if they haven't gotten there at all.

So without further ado, here's the book description:

Sixteen-year-old Addison Blakely has tireless played the role of PK—preacher’s kid—her entire life. But after Wes Keegan revs his motorcycle into town and into her heart, Addison begins to wonder how much of her faith is her own and how much has been handed to her. She isn’t so sure she wants to be the good girl anymore. Join Addison Blakely as she attempts to separate love from lust, facts from faith, and keep her head above water in her murky, fishbowl existence.

And now, an interview with author extraordinaire, Betsy St Amant!

I heard you say on a radio interview that this used to be a secret book. You mean you were going to keep this awesomeness from us?? How come? 
ADDISON BLAKELY started out being a secret book because it was a "vent". One day I had a little immature tantrum over how frustrating it could be to write for the market, to write within boundaries, to be restricted in content while also having to remember regular writing rules. So I started writing a book with no guidelines, no plot, no anything except the way I wanted to write it. It was my fun secret project while writing the way I needed to for my other projects. Then when I was asked to write a YA by a particular house, I realized that story line was already exactly what I should use. God works in mysterious ways and I love how He can take even our frustrations and make something beautiful.

Is Addison anything like you were as a teenager?
Actually, yes. I was always the good girl growing up, had no problem following the rules, didn't understand the temptations my friends faced. I never cared about drinking or smoking or trying drugs or the other "no-no's", my purity ring was securely in place, etc. I enjoyed being "good". When I got older like Addison though I began to understand that wasn't enough. I was saved as a child and because I never had this bad past to turn from and be an obvious change in my life, I had to really think long and hard on my salvation and what it meant to me. As a teenager I had another coming to Jesus experience where I nailed down my salvation and really embraced faith for me, as an active choice.

What do you like to write the most at this moment, YA or romance?
I still write both at the same time. They're entwined. I can't NOT write romance so even my YA's have strong romance threads :)  I'd say right now I'm enjoying my YA projects the most because of the first person voice and really getting into the character's head!

What advice would you give to Addison if she was real? I'd say, easy on the caffeine lol.
Right??? Haha I gave her my love for mochas. And sprinkles. I'd tell Addison to quit stressing over everything and appreciate the beauty in mistakes. Grace is gorgeous. We should never sin on purpose but we should never take grace for granted either. It's a gift.

Should we expect more PK books in the future? PLEASE say yes!!!
I sure hope so! Working on that now! An email to Barbour would go a long way. If you've enjoyed Addison's story and want the rest of the series I planned published, please shoot them an email and tell them! You can go to www.barbourbooks.com and then the "contact us" link. Thanks!

**BIG MOTORCYCLE ROAR**

Oh, look who's here! Welcome, Wes. Now, would you spit out that gum, please? This is a reputable blog. 

Okay.  ::::takes gum out of mouth and hands it to Anne::: Here.

Ew, I don't want that - trash can's over there. So. What are your intentions with our friend Addison? 

:::winks:::: wouldn't you like to know? Sorry, I can't help the sarcasm. We're still technically teenagers, so it's not like I'm ready to march down the aisle. ::shudder:: But you know? Maybe one day. In the far, far future.

It seems you could have any girl you want. Why Addison? 

Addison's cool, you know? She's not like other girls. She's...::voice trails off::: she's just Addison. And that's all I'm going to say. ::clears throat::

How come you're a jerk one minute and a dream the next? Make up your mind buddy. 

Predictable is boring. Besides, Addison knows the real me, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it, Anne. She gets it. ::Leans in close::: Hey, do I need to tell Addison she has competition? ::winks again::

I should warn you that my husband reads this blog and in Texas it's not illegal to carry guns :). Anyway, I don't know how to formulate another question without giving out a spoiler. So what has this experience in Addison's book meant for you as a person? 
Why you gotta ask me all the heavy stuff? ::sigh:: I'm only doing this interview for Addison anyway because she said she'd go for a ride on my motorcycle if I did. ::straightens shoulders:: I guess she helped me see a lot about what it means to be real.  A real friend. A real boyfriend. A real believer in, you know, God and stuff. She showed me not everyone has to be the way they thought they were destined. ::shrugs:: Sometimes destiny can be re-written. That's where the faith stuff comes in that I'm trying to learn more about.

Awesome, Wes. I'm warming up to you, though if my daughter ever met someone like you, I'd probably lock her up in her room :). Speaking of whom, gotta go give her some attention.

To meet Wes, and Addison, and other fun characters, buy Confessions of a PK on Amazon here! Also check out Betsy's blog and author page. Warning: you might become a lifetime fan!

Don't Talk To Me, I'm Sleep Deprived

<- My little smiling burrito.

If you've tried to start (and/or finish) a productive conversation with me in the last few days, I apologize. My body was with you, however, my spirit remained in bed, under the covers, right before kids started screaming and poopy diapers started exploding.

I'm so not exaggerating. The amount of bodily fluids I have to deal with on a daily basis is unbelievable. Screams too, as both my kids want my FULL attention 100% of the time, and when they don't get it, they usually make some loud noise. So I have to choose which wail I'd rather deal with at the moment.

But yes, there is hope - if there wasn't, I wouldn't be here writing this blog. That alone shows that every once in awhile, the Lord sends an angel to quiet each child and peace reigneth in this house once again. Right now, Melissa's actually awake, but playing by herself (miracle!), and Andrew's asleep. Heaven.

Even before that though, despite the usual chaos, it's been a pretty good day. The thing I've been learning lately is to adjust my expectations. I'd been having a hard time enjoying being a mom of two, and feeling like every. Single. Day. A disaster happened, but lately I've been learning that these are not disasters. My little (okay, plenty of) flustered moments are just the way things are right now. Which means that yes, both kids will most likely have simultaneous immediate needs several times a day. And no, neither of them will like being the one who gets to wait. And no, pretty often each need will not be a "quick fix". How does one keep her sanity in the midst of this, you may ask? I don't know. I don't think I'm one to say lol.

My point is that once I've started not expecting things to be the way they were before Andrew was born, I've become freer to enjoy the way they are. Like, now I have a cute little guy looking up at me as if I'm the eight wonder of the world. It's funny, he seems to pick the moments I'm the most frustrated to flash me a big smile. As if saying, "hey mom, I might be killing you right now, but I'm having a great time!" :) And there's nothing more endearing than that.

Chaos...I Give In

<- Notice the look of horror on Andrew's face, antecipating Melissa's "tough love." :)


Shhhhhh. Melissa's sleeping (can you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) and Andrew's awake but currently not calling for me, so I'm gonna use this moment to blog.

It's funny that I wait so much to have me-time like this, and when I do, I'm too paranoid about it ending to fully enjoy it. So I always end up doing one (or more) of the following:

- eat a humongous amount of chocolate, for the simple fact that I can, but forgetting to stop long enough to enjoy it (break might end at any second!);

- watch silent TV with captions on (which can give you a headache fast if you're sleep deprived);

- clean something (then hate myself for not resting on the only moment of the day when there wasn't a kid attached to me);

- go on facebook and envy all those people out there who have lives outside of poopy diapers, breastmilk spills and yelling toddlers.

Speaking of toddler, Melissa's the sweetest of them all, but also possibly the loudest. Hubby and I joke that she only has 3 volumes - high, higher and HIGHEST; there's no "middle" or "low". I can tell Andrew's fascinated with her, but slightly freaked out when she tries to hug him or squeeze his hands/feet/head. She can really agitate him, and when I finally manage to calm him down, she seems to feel the need to fill in the silence by going, "HI BABY! AWWWW SO SWEET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING MOMMY? BABY'S SLEEPING!" Um, well, not anymore.

Needless to say, at this moment I'm researching birth control options lol. I think the pill made me bloated and emotional (more so than normal :). So now I'm leaning towards using this thing called Paragard (something the doctor inserts in your uterus). Google says it's wonderful to some people but horrible to others, but I do like the fact that it's hormone free. Anyone out there has any knowledge/opinion on the subject?

I started writing this post this afternoon, and am finishing now at almost 10 at night. Story of my life these days :). But much like life as a mom of 2, slowly I'm getting the hang of it. My mantras now have been don't fight the chaos, expect the chaos, PREPARE for the chaos. So I eat a protein bar at lunchtime knowing lunch might not happen anytime soon, always have wipes nearby for frequent disasters, and try not to see it as failure if both kids happen to be miserable at the same time. According to my month-and-a-half experience in this, a couple of meltdowns are just part of our new regular "routine". And if so, I guess it's been a pretty good day.

You're a Mother of 2 If...

1-You've discovered 45647 things you can do with a baby attached to your boob;

2-You feel like you just joined the gym, for all the extra activities during the day;

3-And just like joining the gym, it's TORTURE at first, and then slowly your energy level increases by the demand (much like breast milk);

4-In order to accept the fact that you'll always have a kid glued to you 90% of the time, you learn to think of them as your new animated body parts;

5-Your first kid now looks HUGE;

6-You realize what a whiner you were when you only had 1 kid;

7-You've let go of your "too much TV will give my toddler autism" fears;

8-You worry about preventing sibling rivalry several times a day;

9-You sometimes wish your older child didn't like the baby quite so much, especially when he's sleeping;

10-Your toddler comes up with every possible need the moment you start nursing (bringing you back to number 1).