Suffering in Paradise

Who would've guessed this sweet little face would be so much work??

Sorry, I haven't been the faithful blogger I once was. The sole reason is that I've been suffering in paradise - meaning, the wonders of motherhood are kicking my butt. Yes, I am delirously happy, but also deliriously tired. Not just, "didn't sleep well last night, but would catch up sleeping tomorrow" tired, but "will need a week in a relaxation clinic" TIRED.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon Melissa's a walking and talking toddler. This is a dream come true. The whole time she was a baby, I waited for this moment - not because I thought it'd get easier, but I couldn't wait to have little dialogues with her. And now, even though she doesn't say sentences yet (and is just starting to learn a few words), she understands us SO much more. It's the cutest thing. It's so cute it breaks your heart, in the most wonderful way. Unfortunately, it also breaks YOU.

Gone are the days that I could count on her staying in one place. When it happens, I even feel lucky that I got to sit down for a full minute. How sad is that?? I'm still a writerholic (yup, I have other writing projects besides this blog), so picture me carrying my laptop around the house, until I give up half an hour later with a sore wrist. Besides, I don't want my daughter to just see me behind a computer.

Do you see my point? I feel my me-time diminishing, my back hurting from looking/bending down (as I follow her) and my thighs thickening for all the chocolate I medicate myself with when she finally takes a nap.

Would you believe me if I said I'm the happiest I've ever been? It doesn't sound like it, but I am. It's just a HARD, HARD happiness. Like, for unlimited admission into Disneyland, you have to circle it twice by foot. So, yay, but, oy.

Thanks, Colleen Leung, for the awesome pictures!

Latest family portrait... The most overweight/exhausted I've ever seen myself, but strangely, the happiest too.

*Now, enter my chocolate giveaway below!*

Who Wants Some Chocolate?

Yup, I'm offering! If you leave a comment, you just might get a box of these on your doorstep:



Now, ps: I can't believe this is my very first giveaway!! I don't know if I should feel like a sell out or like I'm the last blogger who hasn't done this before, but here it goes. Seriously, if somebody offered you a free box of chocolates, would you say no?? :) And that's what I'm offering you! So if you're interested, let me know below! *winner will be chosen randomly*

The Melissa Report

<- My poor attempt to cut bangs... Glad she's too young to notice.

Sorry, I've been a bad, bad blogger - but Melissa rarely lets me sit down these days.

This post is kinda (a lot) random, but I just wanted to publish a report of where she's at lately. Yes, it is bragging, but it's also a way to organize information for people who keep asking me how she's growing (family, of course - I don't think friends have that much patience to hear).

So here it goes, what Melissa's accomplished so far in her almost 15 months of life:

Words: mama, dada, nana (for "banana"), yes, yeah, no, hi, bye, ball, duck (these last four are hit or miss)

Abilities: fast walker, starter climber, master living room, kitchen & everywhere else destroyer

Favorite cartoon (yes, I let her watch 'em, don't shoot me): Veggi Tales, or anything with music (she's going to be a singer, mark my words)

Other stuff: drinks water from a cup, sings herself to sleep (baaaabaaabaaa, zzz...), has a serious addiction to cheerios (hence the present state of our carpet), wants food all the time (not necessarily to eat), wants to explore our place all the time, talks in baby language with entonations and punctuations, and demands hugs and kisses often.

This is my kid, in a nutshell. How's yours?

An Ode to 3 Hour Naps

<- "Why sleep? I want to drive!"

(Are odes supposed to rhyme? Oh well, mine doesn't. I'm too tired. :)

Oh 3 hour naps, oh 3 hour naps,

Where have you been all my child's life?

You make me feel like I have the best of both worlds;

Both motherhood and sanity.

I feel like dancing around the house (I mean, tiny apartment),

Watching videos on youtube and eating more chocolate.

It might be a good thing you don't come everyday, or else I'd become a whale.

You have strangely come twice this week, and my scale has definitely noticed it.

I don't care. I love you. I want you to stay forever.

You make me feel things I haven't felt in about two years.

But I do have to confess... Whenever I'm with you, I'm thinking of someone else.

Yes. I miss that little girl. Sometimes when I'm with her I think of you, but when I'm with you, I always think of her.

Oh, 3 hour naps, the only way to settle this love triangle is if you make your appearance more regular (like you did this week).

Then I don't miss you when I'm with her... But I can't say the same the other way around.

Maybe that's why you've ignored me for so long.

Regardless, please hear my plea. I promise to watch more non-baby related videos on youtube when you're around.

Now I have to check on her, but I hope you'll come back tomorrow.

With love and gratitude,

Tired Mommy

Save Me From My Crazy Baby II

I haven't been updating this blog nearly as much as I used to. I used to itch to post something everyday, and sometimes I'd get 2 ideas a day and have a hard time choosing one.

That was before Melissa started walking. And once upon a time when she actually wanted to take naps. I could rock her to sleep (and I thought that was hard - it's harder when I rock her and she just won't sleep!! :), or she would be content playing in either the living/dining room or the kitchen - and not demand the entire house.

So these are the stages I've gone through with her new independence:

1. Denial

Uh, walking, my baby?? No, no, no, she's just dancing and moving around. But she won't go far. I mean, how far can she go, right?

2. Panic

Where's the baby?? Oh my goodness, how did you get here?? Now, give me this. No. NO. You used to hear me the first time. Now you think it's funny. No, don't eat that. Got it, all gone. Oh great, now you're sobbing. Weren't you just laughing at me?

3.Chaos

Hi honey, how was your day at work? Careful with that area of the carpet, Melissa just puked there. And you better not hug me either, let me change first. If you take away some toys/cheerios/paper towel shreds/etc, you might find a place to sit. Or maybe we should eat out tonight.

4.Depression and Confusion

I don't understand. I thought I'd learned how to be a mother by now. I had a system. Melissa used to respond to my system. She wouldn't talk back at me through wails. I used to have time to clean her, feed her, clean myself, feed myself and keep our place livable. Or at least better than this. I want to move.

5.The Future

Someone tell me what comes after stage 4, 'cause I'm still wondering. Maybe it's acceptance.

An OLDER Sibling for Melissa

The other day at the library, Melissa stalked a girl about her age (or maybe a month or two older). Yes, stalked, or maybe harrassed her - the poor girl couldn't do anything; read a book, walk, exist. Melissa was right there, touching her, grabbing her, playing with her hair. The look of horror the girl would shoot at me was priceless :). But it was all out of love; Melissa had a fascination smile on all the time.

Next to the girl there was her 5 year old sister, who loved talking to me looking deep into my eyes, saying things like, "every may 24th [guessing, don't remember] I have a birthday, but on one may 24th I was a baby too." So cute. Both were adorable, but the cutest thing was Melissa's adoration to them. She seemed the most adventurous I'd ever seen her. The 1 year old was way past the learning to walk phase she's now, running and climbing everywhere. Melissa thought it was the coolest thing ever. She knows how to walk, but still kinda prefers to do it holding on to our finger. At that moment, though, she wanted to be exactly like her more developed friends.

I heard that 2nd (or 3rd, or 4ths and so on) kids develop faster than the first born, because they have an example to follow. I have 2 older sisters, and watching Melissa so inspired made me wish she was a younger sibling too. Maybe I should adopt. Or maybe teach her about personal space (eh, no - I'd rather squeeze her all the time instead :).