Commercial Break: Book Review of Betsy St. Amant's "Confessions of a PK"

This is way, way overdue. I was supposed to post this before giving birth, but crying and praying to go into labor already doesn't necessarily put you in the mood to review a book :). Which is a shame, because this is for sure one of the best YA (Young Adult) books out there.

You see many novels about perfect teenagers or really messed up ones, so I loved it when my friend and writing guru Betsy St. Amant came up with a fun story about a girl who is kinda perfect, but really messes up a LOT. I bet it will comfort a lot of good girls out there, and encourage them to cut themselves some slack. Why are always under the impression that we have to earn God's acceptance? I think the message of this book is refreshing and inspiring to people (not just teenagers) wherever they are in the relationship with God, or even if they haven't gotten there at all.

So without further ado, here's the book description:

Sixteen-year-old Addison Blakely has tireless played the role of PK—preacher’s kid—her entire life. But after Wes Keegan revs his motorcycle into town and into her heart, Addison begins to wonder how much of her faith is her own and how much has been handed to her. She isn’t so sure she wants to be the good girl anymore. Join Addison Blakely as she attempts to separate love from lust, facts from faith, and keep her head above water in her murky, fishbowl existence.

And now, an interview with author extraordinaire, Betsy St Amant!

I heard you say on a radio interview that this used to be a secret book. You mean you were going to keep this awesomeness from us?? How come? 
ADDISON BLAKELY started out being a secret book because it was a "vent". One day I had a little immature tantrum over how frustrating it could be to write for the market, to write within boundaries, to be restricted in content while also having to remember regular writing rules. So I started writing a book with no guidelines, no plot, no anything except the way I wanted to write it. It was my fun secret project while writing the way I needed to for my other projects. Then when I was asked to write a YA by a particular house, I realized that story line was already exactly what I should use. God works in mysterious ways and I love how He can take even our frustrations and make something beautiful.

Is Addison anything like you were as a teenager?
Actually, yes. I was always the good girl growing up, had no problem following the rules, didn't understand the temptations my friends faced. I never cared about drinking or smoking or trying drugs or the other "no-no's", my purity ring was securely in place, etc. I enjoyed being "good". When I got older like Addison though I began to understand that wasn't enough. I was saved as a child and because I never had this bad past to turn from and be an obvious change in my life, I had to really think long and hard on my salvation and what it meant to me. As a teenager I had another coming to Jesus experience where I nailed down my salvation and really embraced faith for me, as an active choice.

What do you like to write the most at this moment, YA or romance?
I still write both at the same time. They're entwined. I can't NOT write romance so even my YA's have strong romance threads :)  I'd say right now I'm enjoying my YA projects the most because of the first person voice and really getting into the character's head!

What advice would you give to Addison if she was real? I'd say, easy on the caffeine lol.
Right??? Haha I gave her my love for mochas. And sprinkles. I'd tell Addison to quit stressing over everything and appreciate the beauty in mistakes. Grace is gorgeous. We should never sin on purpose but we should never take grace for granted either. It's a gift.

Should we expect more PK books in the future? PLEASE say yes!!!
I sure hope so! Working on that now! An email to Barbour would go a long way. If you've enjoyed Addison's story and want the rest of the series I planned published, please shoot them an email and tell them! You can go to www.barbourbooks.com and then the "contact us" link. Thanks!

**BIG MOTORCYCLE ROAR**

Oh, look who's here! Welcome, Wes. Now, would you spit out that gum, please? This is a reputable blog. 

Okay.  ::::takes gum out of mouth and hands it to Anne::: Here.

Ew, I don't want that - trash can's over there. So. What are your intentions with our friend Addison? 

:::winks:::: wouldn't you like to know? Sorry, I can't help the sarcasm. We're still technically teenagers, so it's not like I'm ready to march down the aisle. ::shudder:: But you know? Maybe one day. In the far, far future.

It seems you could have any girl you want. Why Addison? 

Addison's cool, you know? She's not like other girls. She's...::voice trails off::: she's just Addison. And that's all I'm going to say. ::clears throat::

How come you're a jerk one minute and a dream the next? Make up your mind buddy. 

Predictable is boring. Besides, Addison knows the real me, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it, Anne. She gets it. ::Leans in close::: Hey, do I need to tell Addison she has competition? ::winks again::

I should warn you that my husband reads this blog and in Texas it's not illegal to carry guns :). Anyway, I don't know how to formulate another question without giving out a spoiler. So what has this experience in Addison's book meant for you as a person? 
Why you gotta ask me all the heavy stuff? ::sigh:: I'm only doing this interview for Addison anyway because she said she'd go for a ride on my motorcycle if I did. ::straightens shoulders:: I guess she helped me see a lot about what it means to be real.  A real friend. A real boyfriend. A real believer in, you know, God and stuff. She showed me not everyone has to be the way they thought they were destined. ::shrugs:: Sometimes destiny can be re-written. That's where the faith stuff comes in that I'm trying to learn more about.

Awesome, Wes. I'm warming up to you, though if my daughter ever met someone like you, I'd probably lock her up in her room :). Speaking of whom, gotta go give her some attention.

To meet Wes, and Addison, and other fun characters, buy Confessions of a PK on Amazon here! Also check out Betsy's blog and author page. Warning: you might become a lifetime fan!

Don't Talk To Me, I'm Sleep Deprived

<- My little smiling burrito.

If you've tried to start (and/or finish) a productive conversation with me in the last few days, I apologize. My body was with you, however, my spirit remained in bed, under the covers, right before kids started screaming and poopy diapers started exploding.

I'm so not exaggerating. The amount of bodily fluids I have to deal with on a daily basis is unbelievable. Screams too, as both my kids want my FULL attention 100% of the time, and when they don't get it, they usually make some loud noise. So I have to choose which wail I'd rather deal with at the moment.

But yes, there is hope - if there wasn't, I wouldn't be here writing this blog. That alone shows that every once in awhile, the Lord sends an angel to quiet each child and peace reigneth in this house once again. Right now, Melissa's actually awake, but playing by herself (miracle!), and Andrew's asleep. Heaven.

Even before that though, despite the usual chaos, it's been a pretty good day. The thing I've been learning lately is to adjust my expectations. I'd been having a hard time enjoying being a mom of two, and feeling like every. Single. Day. A disaster happened, but lately I've been learning that these are not disasters. My little (okay, plenty of) flustered moments are just the way things are right now. Which means that yes, both kids will most likely have simultaneous immediate needs several times a day. And no, neither of them will like being the one who gets to wait. And no, pretty often each need will not be a "quick fix". How does one keep her sanity in the midst of this, you may ask? I don't know. I don't think I'm one to say lol.

My point is that once I've started not expecting things to be the way they were before Andrew was born, I've become freer to enjoy the way they are. Like, now I have a cute little guy looking up at me as if I'm the eight wonder of the world. It's funny, he seems to pick the moments I'm the most frustrated to flash me a big smile. As if saying, "hey mom, I might be killing you right now, but I'm having a great time!" :) And there's nothing more endearing than that.

Chaos...I Give In

<- Notice the look of horror on Andrew's face, antecipating Melissa's "tough love." :)


Shhhhhh. Melissa's sleeping (can you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) and Andrew's awake but currently not calling for me, so I'm gonna use this moment to blog.

It's funny that I wait so much to have me-time like this, and when I do, I'm too paranoid about it ending to fully enjoy it. So I always end up doing one (or more) of the following:

- eat a humongous amount of chocolate, for the simple fact that I can, but forgetting to stop long enough to enjoy it (break might end at any second!);

- watch silent TV with captions on (which can give you a headache fast if you're sleep deprived);

- clean something (then hate myself for not resting on the only moment of the day when there wasn't a kid attached to me);

- go on facebook and envy all those people out there who have lives outside of poopy diapers, breastmilk spills and yelling toddlers.

Speaking of toddler, Melissa's the sweetest of them all, but also possibly the loudest. Hubby and I joke that she only has 3 volumes - high, higher and HIGHEST; there's no "middle" or "low". I can tell Andrew's fascinated with her, but slightly freaked out when she tries to hug him or squeeze his hands/feet/head. She can really agitate him, and when I finally manage to calm him down, she seems to feel the need to fill in the silence by going, "HI BABY! AWWWW SO SWEET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING MOMMY? BABY'S SLEEPING!" Um, well, not anymore.

Needless to say, at this moment I'm researching birth control options lol. I think the pill made me bloated and emotional (more so than normal :). So now I'm leaning towards using this thing called Paragard (something the doctor inserts in your uterus). Google says it's wonderful to some people but horrible to others, but I do like the fact that it's hormone free. Anyone out there has any knowledge/opinion on the subject?

I started writing this post this afternoon, and am finishing now at almost 10 at night. Story of my life these days :). But much like life as a mom of 2, slowly I'm getting the hang of it. My mantras now have been don't fight the chaos, expect the chaos, PREPARE for the chaos. So I eat a protein bar at lunchtime knowing lunch might not happen anytime soon, always have wipes nearby for frequent disasters, and try not to see it as failure if both kids happen to be miserable at the same time. According to my month-and-a-half experience in this, a couple of meltdowns are just part of our new regular "routine". And if so, I guess it's been a pretty good day.

You're a Mother of 2 If...

1-You've discovered 45647 things you can do with a baby attached to your boob;

2-You feel like you just joined the gym, for all the extra activities during the day;

3-And just like joining the gym, it's TORTURE at first, and then slowly your energy level increases by the demand (much like breast milk);

4-In order to accept the fact that you'll always have a kid glued to you 90% of the time, you learn to think of them as your new animated body parts;

5-Your first kid now looks HUGE;

6-You realize what a whiner you were when you only had 1 kid;

7-You've let go of your "too much TV will give my toddler autism" fears;

8-You worry about preventing sibling rivalry several times a day;

9-You sometimes wish your older child didn't like the baby quite so much, especially when he's sleeping;

10-Your toddler comes up with every possible need the moment you start nursing (bringing you back to number 1).

Yes, There IS Life After 2 Kids :)

Guess what: I had a boy!! And his name is Andrew David Prado, born on January 25th, 2012 at 8:35 a.m.

Sorry I haven't posted anything earlier - I'm amazed at mothers who blog from the hospital room and register every new emotion of having their 2nd baby. I mean, when do you sleep?? Or pee?? My mom's here from Brazil to help for the first month, and still, everyday at some point I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. Or at several points :).

Don't get me wrong - whenever both kids are fed, clean and happy (or at least "ish"), it's heaven. It really is all of those cheesy things you see in Lifetime movies: the wonder of becoming a bigger family, and your heart's about to explore with pride. I told David the other day that it often feels like I won't need any other kids, because these 2 are already so wonderful. Why test the blessing, right?

But other little reason why I might be done having kids is because this delivery was THE hardest I ever, ever thought I'd have.

This time around, I wasn't too afraid of giving birth. I'd gone through it once, survived, and realized it would'be gone even smoother if I hadn't feared it so much. So this time I was determined to be as relaxed about it as physically/mentally I could be.

Which, if you know me, you know it isn't much :).

Let's start from before the beginning, when my due date came and went, and I felt fainter and fainter everyday from carrying this ENOURMOUS baby. Seriously, the impression I had was that I was going to die from carrying him. Like my belly would end up exploding, or my legs would give in or something. From week 38 on, I started begging the doctor to induce me. At a 36 week ultrasound, they already said Andrew weighed 7 lbs and 11oz!!

I kept telling the doctor I didn't want to deliver a 9lbs baby - not (just) for fear of how much it'd hurt, but because I knew of all the complications it could bring. I'd watched a "One Born a Minute" episode where the baby got stuck in his mom's vagina and when they finally pulled him out, he was BLUE and didn't show signs of breathing for several seconds. I don't cry much watching tv, but I couldn't help but tear up when the baby cried and everything turned out okay. And I prayed that I'd never, ever have to face a situation like this.

Another thing I hoped not to face was a surprise c-section. Now, I'm not against them - thank God someone came up with a way to take a baby out if his or the mom's life's at risk. No wonder in the old times lots more people died giving birth. Both my sisters had to have c-sections and turned out okay, so I knew the world wouldn't end if I couldn't do it through my hoo ha.

But what I didn't want was to push for several hours, experience the painful ordeal of birthing naturally, only to be told "never mind, you're going to have surgery NOW". I imagined that would be so scary and stressful that I'd be really disappointed.

So guess what ended up happening to me. I got not one, but BOTH of my two labor fears. Three, if you count going overdue. They started inducing me on January 24th's afternoon, but nothing happened. Then the doctor gave me (or herself :) a break for the night, and it felt wonderful to be off of pitocin AND sleep soundly with the Ambien they gave me.

What I didn't expect was to wake up 3 to 4 cm dilated, and only a couple hours after that, already 8! I pleaded for the epidural, but they said there was no time anymore. The pain at each contraction felt scary, like the baby was going down but there'd be no room for him to get out. I SCREAMED like women in labor do in movies - gosh, I think I yelled at every single person who passed by me. This nice little nurse was trying to introduce herself and I just shouted, "yeah, yeah, yeah, HURRY". Lol, so much for my plans to 'be cool' :).

But the one positive side of this was that, to my surprise, when the doctor said we'd have to do a c-section, I only felt nervous for like a second. Then I thought, wait, going numb belly down?? Count me in! What I actually said was, of course, "HURRY!!!!" Another lady was filling out forms for the c-section (oh, c'mon, give me a break) and even jumped at my cry and went to do what she had to away from me lol.

I remember I hated getting the epidural when I had Melissa - it was one of the most painful parts of the process, probably because they had to try it 3 times before getting it on the right place. But this time I was so grateful to be receive any relief that I did MUCH better than before, with being still and all. Everyone seemed surprise that all of a sudden I'd stopped shaking like a crazy woman, but my mentality was, if you stop this pain, I'll do whatever you want! :) I might've even found strength to do a little dance lol.

The c-section felt weird, but not nearly as much I thought it would. The absence of contractions was WONDERFUL. My body relaxed so much I had a hard time staying awake. The excitement of seeing Andrew helped, but after they took him, my eyes were shut and I rested until they took me to the recovery room and I could finally hold him.

Nursing went about a million times better than it did with Melissa at first. But it was hard to enjoy it with these awful headaches I kept having because of the spinal anesthesia. Don't ask me how it works (I was too out of it when they explained it :), but for some reason my head would HURT when I'd lift it, and only go back to normal if I laid it flat. The first time it happened, I wondered if that was how a seizure felt like. Even opening my eyes felt excruciating. At least it usually didn't last an entire day - mostly just in the morning, but it could last for several hours. Which made nursing a challenge to say the least.

I don't want to go on and on about the first days' hardships (even though I just did hehe). Of course, I'm still on the first days - Andrew's only a week and a half old. But I can say that things have already gotten a lot better. We're still figuring things out, but the headaches seem to be all gone, THANK GOD. I'm not yet 100% sure how in the world I'm gonna take care of a 2-year-old and a newborn once my mom leaves, but I try to remember I felt the same way after having Melissa, and somehow we made it 'til here. As much as the hard times can feel harder than ever, the good times are also better than we've ever had before. And just that makes it all worth it.

Is the Baby REALLY Coming??

<- I think my stork got lost.

I have my doubts sometimes. Silly, I know - I mean, I saw the baby on the ultrasound, so I know for a fact there's a live human being in me. But there's something about getting so pumped up about being in labor, and then when you realize you weren't, it's hard to keep your hopes up. Which brings you to denial that the baby will actually come one day.

This last week and a half or so I've been feeling like there's no way I can be pregnant one more day, and then I am. Really, every morning I wake up with the impression that if he goes any lower, he'll come out. But another evening comes and I'm in shock NOTHING has happened. Not even the confusing on and off contractions I had a few days ago. Sometimes they'd last for as long as 2 HOURS, and then disappear as if they were a figment of my imagination. I mean, wasn't I supposed to be sure it's the real thing if they last for an hour?? So you see how now I've become a skeptic.

Which is totally ridiculous of me, considering I'm 39 weeks and the doctor said she won't let me go over 41, meaning I only have 2 more weeks at the most to go. AND my mom's arriving from Brazil this coming Thursday, so if I really look around me, things are happening. Today the angel of my mother in law came over and helped me tidy up the place (take out the Christmas tree and prepare space for mom to sleep in). This has REALLY helped, not only with the tasks themselves, but also for me psychologically. Seeing our home ready for the baby reminds me that no, I'm not waiting in vain. The baby WILL come out.

It just seems so surreal to me still. The concept of having another child, that I'll bond with the same way I have with Melissa. This blows my mind. To know that another little person will give me this much joy (and pain :). I mean, how do you get enough heart to store up this much love (and pain lol)? The anticipation of it all (including that detail called labor) can drive you crazy.

Next post will most likely be about Andrew OUT of me, as my brain fries more and more the longer I wait. So pray it'll be soon!!

Oh Yeah, And There's Christmas

<- Sign (and the closest thing to snow :) at our front door.

With everything that's going on (adjusting to TX, keeping up with Melissa and building a person), I really thought the holidays would go right past me. Well, I do have to say Thanksgiving dinner is not as much fun when you already have a full belly to start with. While everybody chatted and stuffed themselves away, I waddled around the room, wondering if there was such a thing as a comfortable position. I'd been so happy and content when we arrived at my in-laws', but maybe that extra forkful of mashed potatoes sent my stomach over the edge. There was no place for them in the inn :).

But ever hopeful, I refused - and still refuse - to miss out on Christmas. After dragging my round self to stores (or, more often, to online stores), I can gladly say our gift shopping is DONE! I've also single handedly decorated our Christmas tree with my own swollen white-sausage-looking fingers. I know, that's supposed to be done by the whole family, but really, if I'd waited for the perfect, Hallmark card moment, where everyone would be rested, in a good mood and with time to spare, it'd never happen. And on that particular day I felt a rush of productivity - like, the more I got done, the more I felt I was progressing, and not just standing in time, forever huge and achy.

It's also nice to focus on something else other than the baby. I know I'm close - 34 weeks and half already incites people to look at you like a time bomb - but still, January 20th (my due date) seems like FOREVER from now. Next year still!! I used to get excited about every braxton hicks contraction, but now, I've lost hope. There have been too many miserable days that turned out to be nothing. If only I could get REALLY miserable - to the point of popping out a baby. Now that would be a real good Christmas gift :).