We Interrupt This Blog to *Yawn*

These past few days have been wonderful, life-changing, heart-warming, and all that good cheesy stuff.

At the exact same time, they've also been stressful, exhausting and frustratingly unpredictable. 

I'm ready to be normal again. Which I know will never be like the old normal, but I just miss the feeling, you know? Of not being so out of sorts. I keep thinking, if only I get some sleep, or if only the kids behave, or if only I get to have breakfast undisturbed...THEN I'll be good to go. 

But it hasn't happened yet. No matter what, I still feel absent from planet Earth. Like earlier today, when my mom told me I needed to calm down and I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, I remembered what I'd just said (whined about Holly peeing on me), but it felt unrelated, like I'd been half asleep. In a way that's hard to connect your own thoughts/actions to reality - a "did I really just do that or was it a dream" kind of crazy.

Not that I'm in a funky mood all the time - if you catch me in a happy, caffeinated moment, you'd think I've adapted to this having-3-kids thing. But I never, ever lose the feeling of being in a daze. EVER. It's getting annoying. 

It's just that adding a third person to obsess over/care for is such a HUGE thing to process. And hard to make yourself believe you're doing it right. So during peaceful times, I tell myself to take a deep breath and believe all is right in the world. Which lasts until about when the next kid cries/throws a tantrum/pees on me.

Or all the above, which happens often. Sigh.

Where Did All These Kids Come From??

So. There's a very legitimate reason why I haven't blogged in the past several weeks.

I have 3 kids.

Did I mention I have 3 kids? Yep, that's right. THREE. WHOLE. KIDS.

I've fallen and I can't get up lol.

Honestly, when I saw that commercial the other day (of the old lady with a medical alert necklace), it brought me back to a blissful time when all I had to do was push a button and a nurse would appear. Hospitals might suck, but that part, oh it should last a lifetime :).

Of course, I'm being dramatic (shocker!). Life isn't so bad, it's just busy. For example, I'm a magazine addict but still haven't managed to crack open the last I bought 2 days ago. There's just always something to do; always a kid having a meltdown, or me. Or maybe not that bad, but at least me staring at nothing, trying to process how in the world I ended up with so many little people.

I do love them, though (for the record :). Having 3 kids is SO much work, but very very rewarding at the same time. See, that's why I haven't posted, I knew I'd sound like some Hallmark commercial. Especially with my hormones all over the place. As crazy as things can get, I feel very complete right now. I got my girl, I got my boy, got my littlest girl...

...aaand I tied my tubes!!!!!! :D :D :D

I'm SO beyond proud of myself. That's because I know not everybody would agree with my decision (and I realized soon enough before my scheduled c-section that this was holding me back from making it). I did talk to my husband, of course, and he couldn't be more on board. We're just ready to move on to the non-baby-making part of our lives. 

And yeah, speaking of c-sections, the VBAC didn't happen. Just too long/personal/boring story to tell, but the thing is, I changed my mind, and I'm ecstatic I did. My experience at the hospital was everything I hoped the first 2 had been and weren't: peaceful, pretty close to stress-free, fast recovery. Yep, for a c-section!! I was up by the 2nd day. Don't ask me why, and don't try this at home lol. It really felt like the hand of God answering all of my anxious prayers. I felt at peace going through with it, and He blessed us with a beautiful healthy girl and a lot less pain than I experienced after either of my other births.

Anyway, Holly's making feed-me noises now, so I'd better go check on her. Not sure when the stars will align (or, more accurately, the nap times will align :) for me to blog again, but hopefully it'll be soon! Speaking of that, thinking of moving on to another blog, one who doesn't have the word "bored" on it lol. Who'd come with me??