I had a small epiphany last night watching The City (that MTV show that's kinda like The Hills, but with less drama - which still is a lot of drama). Who says a reality show can't speak to the depths of your soul? Anyway, it wasn't the content of the show that gave me the epiphany - it was how my reaction to it has changed since I became a mom.You see, I used to envy the way those girls carry themselves. Not the way they behave - I did not envy the drama. But I did admire their confidence. How they handled all those high-pressure business situation with much more security than I would have, even though they're younger than me.
I think I was born with an awkward nature. Sometimes I see Melissa making the same shy expressions I used to when I was little, and I fear for her. At the same time, I'm happy I can understand her and will be able to show her the light at the end of the tunnel.
But now back to my epiphany. It surprised me last night that I didn't envy those girls anymore. Not their confidence, and not even their glamourous lives (much). I realized I'd found another kind of confidence, in my own very complex line of work: motherhood.
Let me explain better: when I imagine myself facing the intimidating situations they face, I think I'd survive, simply because I'm a MOM. If I can give birth, calm a screaming baby and still find time for some writing, I feel like I can do anything. Like more writing. And (in the future) more babies :).
7 comments:
i think motherhood prepares women for far more than one might think. i should remind myself of that... :)
I know, I forget it too - that's why I was surprised to remember that yesterday! Anyway, I'm starstruck that you're my follower!! :) I looked for the "follow" button on your blog but couldn't find it. Where is it? xo's
Beautiful post.
I don't have children, but I'm relieved to hear that while kids don't come with directions, having them does come with some extra confidence!! I know that I've never doubted my own mother's ability to handle anything :-)
@ Lanie: Thanks!! Like your blog too!
@ Shayna: isn't it amazing? That is an extra perk that I did not expect with motherhood - I'd heard about it, but didn't know it would be just as freeing as tiring! :)
To be honest, before I became a mommy, I wasn't so sure which direction I needed my life to go..I mean I am happily married and all that but there was this yearning for some sort of identity ..I felt like just some regular girl who really was working hard enough to accomplish much at that moment..and then I had Arissa and it changed the way I look at myself..I am more confident as a woman and as a person in every thing I do now...not sure how she brought that out in me but I feel like no matter where life takes me or I take myself I will always be a mother and that's something I can always strive towards excelling in :)
loll! All that I just wrote above...I had never really 'consciously' thought about it like that before..I think I'm going to include it soon in a blog post of mine =)
Aw I'm glad I reminded you of these things! It's hard to find time to process this sometimes, isn't it? But motherhood does makes us into completely different (and much stronger) women!
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