How Not to Shop After a Baby

I'm trying to go back to my pre-baby self, but it's impossible. Shopping difficulties are just the tip of the iceberg; Melissa changed my life forever, and I'm not complaining. It's a happy change, but I just wish I could fit on either the pregnant or the non-pregnant category. Right now I'm in the "not pregnant but lactating and flabby" stage. I hope it's just a stage.

I used to have shopping down to a science. I'd spot something on a rack and know exactly how it would look on me, or pretty much. But I'd never been surprised so often as lately. So, since I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what I'm doing, at least I've noticed what doesn't work:

- Big Prints

Motherhood has filled up my heart, as well as other parts of me that I'd rather have unfilled (or not that much). So any large detail on clothes makes me look even larger. The result is that now my wardrobe is all plain, solid colors. Like I got it all from a mass production sale at Walmart/Target, which is often true.

- Sparkle

Oh, this used to be my signature. Not an all sparkly outfit, but a sparkly detail on a shirt made me look dressier in jeans. But now, it has to be VERY understated, or else I look like a Christmas Tree.

- A-Line Skirts/Dresses

My hips do not need to look bigger, thank you.

- Anything Impossible to Nurse In

Unless I want to undress myself everytime Melissa's hungry, it's not a good idea. I've ruined a couple of dresses trying to make them nurse-friendly, and instead I just deepened the cleavage.

Please note that I do not generalize this list to all new mothers - I'm sure there are some of you who already fit in a tight shiny dress. But for the rest of us mortals (or at least me), these are the things to donate to the Salvation Army. I had 2 trash bags full, and I still think I have stuff hidden somewhere.

Anyway, as you can see, there isn't much I can buy. Not all is lost though; if something is kinda flowy, but not enough to be called maternity wear, I almost feel like my old self. It's just hard to find those, and that's the drama of my shopping life.