Getting My Mojo Back

I don't know the exact definition of mojo, so don't sue me if I use incorrectly. All I know is that I'm feeling more and more like myself again. Not like my old self, but like my new self is becoming normal. The preggies reading this must be freaking out, thinking, "It took you 7 MONTHS to feel like yourself again??" But don't dispair. It's a long and gradual process, but it flies by.

The reason why I feel I'm getting my mojo back is that I'm accepting myself again. From the pregnancy on, everytime you look in the mirror you see someone different, and that can be scary. Then after the baby, you know for sure things will never be the same. It's amazing how much your body changes after a person is extracted from you. It's like going through puberty again - there's the insecurity phase, then you learn to accept and accessorize the new you.

Maybe what pushed me to the accessorizing stage was finding a shirt that was sparkly AND didn't make me look like a Christmas Tree. Miracle of miracles. It's funny how the perfect shirt can completely change a woman's perspective of life.

Also taking a break from blogging was a great idea, though it lasted for just a day and a half. It felt like forever. But I needed to regroup my thoughts, and from now on I might not blog every single day, so I won't burn out anymore. I'll probably do it every other day or so, like I used to do before I became addicted and unable to speak.

But I'm still doing my best to take a mind break this weekend, and it's working wonders. Mommies of all the world, I know it's hard to take physical breaks, but maybe even more important than that (or at least just as much) is to take a mind break. So stop running that huge list in your head. Stop. Right now. Don't you feel better?

Bloggaholic

Maybe I've been a wee bit obsessed with this blog. The other day I met with a friend and found the sound of my voice so weird. It was hard for me to figure out what to say, but I definitely knew how I'd write it.

That's probably a sign that I need to take a little break. But if you happen to follow this blog, PLEASE don't abandon me - this probably won't last for more than a day or two. It's been so much fun writing on a regular basis that I think I got addicted. But I just need a mind break.

Speaking of that, join me and take a mind break also. Weekend is coming, grab a novel and/or do something very unproductive. Not that posting on this blog was exactly productive, but you know what I'm sayin'.

How Not to Shop After a Baby

I'm trying to go back to my pre-baby self, but it's impossible. Shopping difficulties are just the tip of the iceberg; Melissa changed my life forever, and I'm not complaining. It's a happy change, but I just wish I could fit on either the pregnant or the non-pregnant category. Right now I'm in the "not pregnant but lactating and flabby" stage. I hope it's just a stage.

I used to have shopping down to a science. I'd spot something on a rack and know exactly how it would look on me, or pretty much. But I'd never been surprised so often as lately. So, since I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what I'm doing, at least I've noticed what doesn't work:

- Big Prints

Motherhood has filled up my heart, as well as other parts of me that I'd rather have unfilled (or not that much). So any large detail on clothes makes me look even larger. The result is that now my wardrobe is all plain, solid colors. Like I got it all from a mass production sale at Walmart/Target, which is often true.

- Sparkle

Oh, this used to be my signature. Not an all sparkly outfit, but a sparkly detail on a shirt made me look dressier in jeans. But now, it has to be VERY understated, or else I look like a Christmas Tree.

- A-Line Skirts/Dresses

My hips do not need to look bigger, thank you.

- Anything Impossible to Nurse In

Unless I want to undress myself everytime Melissa's hungry, it's not a good idea. I've ruined a couple of dresses trying to make them nurse-friendly, and instead I just deepened the cleavage.

Please note that I do not generalize this list to all new mothers - I'm sure there are some of you who already fit in a tight shiny dress. But for the rest of us mortals (or at least me), these are the things to donate to the Salvation Army. I had 2 trash bags full, and I still think I have stuff hidden somewhere.

Anyway, as you can see, there isn't much I can buy. Not all is lost though; if something is kinda flowy, but not enough to be called maternity wear, I almost feel like my old self. It's just hard to find those, and that's the drama of my shopping life.

This Little Mommy Stayed Home

I'm totally stealing this title from Samantha Wilde's novel (check it out on Amazon, if you're curious), but this post is not about that. I've got to stop writing reviews about books I'd never read more than the first couple of pages - what if the rest is horrible and I'm advertising it?? So I invoke my right to remain silent, though it does seem like a pretty funny book.

Anyway, this post is about stay at home moms. I never thought I'd be one - as many of my generation, I was raised to be a business woman. When I tell my friends from Brazil on the internet that I'm a homemaker, they act like I've given up on life. Ahem, I'm bringing up a life. And this turned out to be so much more fulfilling than I ever expected. [pause for Hallmark background music]

Not that working moms are any less awesome. Nowadays, women are expected to do it all, and some actually do. But one thing none of us can scape is (or we're all tempted with) mommy guilt. The fear that we're not doing enough, or that we're doing too much.

Because of that, I created a list of the pros about being a stay at home mom. I won't do cons, because I don't want to get depressed. And I can't speak for the working moms, because I'm not one of them. It's so crazy because I'd never dreamed of or searched for this life; it just happened to me. I'd never even been very good with kids. When I got pregnant, I think I went through "post conception depression", because I thought I was in way over my head. But now I love it. It was hard for me to imagine it, but now I'm the happiest I've ever been. [cue for Hallmark music again]

So on to the list. Here are the perks of my current occupation:

- cute boss. This is the only job that you hope your boss will take advantage of you. Oh, that sounded so wrong :). But seriously, there's a lot of weird and mean people out there that you could be working for. And they wouldn't care about you a tenth of how much your baby adores you.

- casual attire. Everyday is casual day. I've worn the worst pieces of clothing of my life since she was born, and it's kinda nice to take the focus off of myself. But I do try to put myself together right before David comes home, so he'll think I'd been like that all day.

- silliness is required. In a lot of business enviroments, if you try to be a little silly, they'll wonder what's your problem. But as a mom, everything I do is hilarious. She always thinks it's funny when I talk on the phone. Maybe that's the only time she hears my normal voice, not baby-ish.

- nap times. Who says I don't get a break? When do you think I blog? When my wonderful daughter beautifully falls asleep. I've gotten more writing done than I'd ever been able to do in a regular job. And more reality show watching too.

- countless others that don't fit on this list. I really can't summarize the joys of watching my daughter grow into a list. Imagine all the cheesiest commercials and Hallmark movies about motherhood. They're ALL true.

The Importance of a Happy Mommy

<- Magnet from my refrigrator that reminds me to have a sense of humor :)

I'm generally a happy mommy, but I've always wondered if my dispair moments were ever noticed by Melissa. So today I got the answer, and it was a huge YES.

Here's what happened: my husband went to have a haircut, and in the meantime, Melissa woke up from her nap. When he was back, she stared at him not knowing what to make of this short haired guy that looked like daddy. She always smiles when she sees him, so it was clear she was startled. But I hadn't noticed it yet, and started talking about how she woke up, imitating her crying (it was more like a wail). She instantly started bawling, tears running down her face. David tried holding her to calm her down, but she seemed terrified of his hair. When he came home, I think she was still making up her mind about it, and then must have thought it had made me cry.

I was amazed of how much my reaction (or what she thought was my reaction) influenced her. I'd always heard that babies pick up on stress from the mother, that happy babies need happy mommies, but I'd never seen it so clearly. Melissa looks at me to decide how she should react to the world, and if I want her to become a happy and upbeat person, then that's what I should strive to be.

My Next Babies Might Be Green

I got this cool bottle last night when I went to watch WICKED!!!! I'm so excited, I didn't know I was allowed to be this entertained since I had a baby :). An amazingly nice friend from church watched Melissa (thanks Esther!!) and David and I had a night on the town. By far the BEST birthday EVER.

Afterwards, I just had to buy a souvenir, because I wanted to remember how I felt. I've always been a waterholic, but after the pregnancy, I literaly always need to have water within reach. David had even given me a pink bottle for Mother's Day:

But I think we left it at a bookstore 'cause I couldn't find it anywhere! So I thought it would be perfect if I made David buy me another meaninful bottle :).

I think the powers are beginning to kick in...

Post Memorial Day Weekend Depression

Ok, I lie. I'm not depressed. How could I when my birthday is tomorrow?? :D But I did wake up a little nostalgic about the 4 day - yes, 4, because hubby had friday off! - weekend, and regretful about what I should or should not have done.

Things I wish I'd done:

- cleaned the house. The most I did with the laundry was transport it from the floor to the couch. And that's only because I gotta walk.

- gotten in the pool with Melissa. We tried, but the water was freeeeeeeezing!! Not just "you'll get used to it" freezing, but really "your ears will hurt even if you get used to it" freezing. At least we got cute pictures of our attempt:

- gone grocery shopping. Again, we had a bunch of things to buy for the house but ended up just getting stuff for Melissa. I'm glad we have a 7-Eleven down the street, or else we'd starve.

Things I wish I had NOT done:

- eaten 2 cows and a pig. I think I had a large steak/pork meal for 3 nights in a row. That is enough to poof my face up. The thing with me and meat is that I will eat everything that's on the plate, whether I'm hungry or not. No matter how huge the piece is, and I'll even be sad that there isn't more. Maybe I crave the vegetables that the cow/pig ate.

- worked out. I hear all these stories of moms saying how working out made them so much happier and energetic, but I am not one of them. Melissa's already my work out, and if I add more for pressure of the society (or my thighs), I feel like I'm about to collapse. I get into a numb state when I can only understand baby language. Then David wants to talk I have a breakdown because I can't understand what he's saying.

- obsessed over this blog. Will people read it? Will people like it? Will some weirdo from the internet send me hate messages? If you're some weirdo reading this, please don't. I can get a little paranoid when I think too much about it. I can also get so excited when someone does like it (um, my husband) that I get addicted to blogging/editing it again and again. Incredible how a blog about having your brain fried (by motherhood) can fry your brain.