If My Pump Could Talk

<- It's NOT this easy or glamorous (love the wind on her hair :)

If my pump could talk, it would say it wants to retire. It would say it has seen enough of my womanhood and doesn't want to be my nightly companion anymore. Our relationship is troubled.

Not that it's broken or anything. It's just that this whole milking myself saga is getting old. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Melissa's awake waaaay more during the day, so then I become more sensitive, if you know what I'm saying. I honestly don't mind nursing right now, I just don't want to do it forever. I'm NOT one of those moms who does't have a timeline to stop and dread the day she'll have to. I'm SO not.

My timeline has changed throughout the months, though. When I had her, it was like a day. Just kidding - but not much because while recovering from delivery, nursing seemed close to impossible. Thank goodness for my wonderful persistent husband and the power pump I rented from the hospital (which allowed me to start slooooowly, just pumping in the beginning, until I got the hang of it).

Then I wanted to stop at 6 months, but at that mark, it got so easy (and she was so attached to it) that I just didn't have the heart... And now that we're at 9 months, I'm still doing okay - my only concern is that she'll never want to stop, ever.

I want to get pregnant again in about a year. I do not want to feel like a milking cow uninterruptedly. I hear some babies take the transition to regular milk like it's nothing, and I HIGHLY doubt Melissa will be one of them. She's such a strong willed little person. She does not tolerate not even an ounce of formula mixed into a million ounces of breastmilk. Picky, picky. Just like somebody I know :).

So let me read your weaning off stories... The crazier the better, I want to be prepared for the worst!

I Found Something Better Than Chocolate

Believe it or not. What's been helping me emerge from my mommy funk is not this wonderful creation by Hershey's:

Though, of course, it deserves its honorable mention. But tonight I've miraculously forgotten to have my dose of it to do something even more soothing:

PLAN MELISSA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now I don't even have to feel like an overly eager mom anymore. Because though I might be overly eager, this Thursday Melissa will be 9 months old (crazy!!), so that will officially make me not a crazy person to start ordering stuff! :)

So in celebration of this moment, I've been thinking of these past months since her birth. I am a new woman. A new, more tired, and more overwhelmed woman, but misteriously happier. The possible reasons might be:

Less Time for Drama
I still have issues, but now I just have less time to focus on them. So this leaves me blissfully ignorant of anything wrong that would've made me freak out before.

I Joined a Club
Before you have a kid, you never understand the unspoken feeling of camaraderie that a parent feels seeing another deal with their own child. It's an instant bond that used to take me years to make.

Breaks Are Shinier
Of course I had many more breaks before, but they weren't nearly as exciting. Now when I have some time by myself or with David it feels like vacation. I know this might sound depressing to childless people, but I tell you, it's a blast.

Selective Memory
Maybe because the days go by like a blur, I only remember the good stuff. When I tell people how hard it is to have a child, I myself get surprised of how I'm still alive and functioning. But it doesn't feel like it's hard - it feels like Melissa erased my memory and now I'm left just worn out and happy :).

Meanwhile, in Melissa's World...

I don't know why mommy is so upset. I'm having loads of fun.

Now I can crawl, wiggle and stand up better than ever before. I want to practice it ALL THE TIME. Sleep is so boring. How am I supposed to learn how to walk sleeping??

And I want to walk so I can go chase mommy more efficiently. She comes when I whine, but that gets tiring. Sometimes I'm not even upset, I just want her to come. It's exhausting to force myself to cry ALL THE TIME.

So mommy, accept the fact that I'm stronger now and can get what I want better. I want to cuddle. AND I want to play. AND nurse. All at the same time. That's because these are my favorite things and I can't understand why I should have to choose between them!

I'm excited about life. I think I poop all the time out of excitement. Just like you feel like going to the bathroom whenever you're really antecipating something. See, mom, we're not that different.

Mom Funk

No, this is not a new ghetto musical style. It's my emotional state of the moment.

On this post I joked that I could be going through a middle motherhood crisis. Now I think it's true. Melissa's growing, and Lord knows I love to see her grow, but that means she DOES NOT sleep.

She's been okay at night, but during the day, long were the days when she had a 2 hour nap in the morning and one in the afternoon. I was beginning to think this motherhood thing was pretty easy. Who can't take care of a baby for just 3 hours after a 2 hour break?

Now, my break has been reduced to just about half an hour, which is barely enough for me to do the necessary (eat/check email/try not to look like a zombie). And when she's awake, she wants MORE attention, MORE nursing, MORE toys (she wants a different one every 10 seconds), and of course MORE poop (I mean, she doesn't want more poop - and neither do I, but she makes it anyway).

I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I've already increased my chocolate consumption in the process. NOT good for my thighs or self steem. Then as a desperate attempt to distract myself, I end up addicted to this blog, checking it like a mad woman. So if you find it in your heart to leave me a comment, you just might make my day a little more bearable.

Beautiful & High Maintenance

That's what Melissa was called by the lady from the kids' class at church today. She stayed there the entire service for the first time - Halleluja! - but only because this nice lady decided not to interrupt us during Melissa's grumpy mood.

Now, does this look like a high maintenance girl to you? No, it looks like the most adorable little girl in the world. That's what she is - and that's probably what keeps us maintaining her high maintenanceness. And it's also why the lady said in the same breath that she's beautiful, sweet, demanding and knows what she wants (a nice way to say "picky").

So after church, I told David this, and he said (after cracking up) that he thinks she got that from me. What?? I mean, I'm flattered with the first part, but I didn't know my pickyness had reached a point that it would be passed on to the next generation.

Ok, I knew it could happen, but I just hoped she'd become the carefree and flexible person that I'm not. I think I've grown a lot with motherhood (and life), but I still do like my comfort zone very much. As I said on the last post, I want Melissa to be better - and more daring - than me.

So now we're wondering, with her also active nature, if this means she'll become a pretty & high maintenance cheerleader. Only time will tell. At least she got dad's coordination skills.

Melissa's Future Earfuls

I think everybody wants to do a do-over with our own babies. Some people in an unhealthy "Toddlers & Tiaras" (TLC show) kind of way, but I think that even if you're not a crazy stage mom, you still want your kid to turn out better than you did. Even if you're the most wonderful person on the face of the earth, you still want him/her to be better.

So I'm already preparing the advice I'll give Melissa as soon as she's old enough to understand. Here's what I've got so far:

Don't Feel Guilty About What Someone's Done To You

Sure it sucks when someone's mean, but we (and when I say we, I mean I) have the tendency to think we're worth less because of it. Like, "I must have deserved it because I'm not pretty/cool/you name it enough". I want to teach Melissa that NOTHING is an excuse for rudeness. Even if you're not perfect, it's still not an excuse for someone to treat you wrong, so they should be the ones to feel bad about it, not you.

Don't Date Someone You Don't Trust

I'll spare you the details of how I've come up with this one :). But another way of explaining it to her could be, would you be okay if your daughter dated this kind of person? If not, then you shouldn't either. 'Cause if you end up marrying them, that's likely the kind of guy she'll look for. And would you like to have a son one day that turned out like him? I know you don't marry every guy you date, but you definitely date every guy you marry! (hopefully just one :)

You Have The God-Given Right to Feel Pretty

When I was younger, I had the misconception that if I believed I was pretty, I was being cocky. So I thought the humble thing to do was to focus on my flaws and point them out whenever someone complimented me. I confess I still catch myself doing that - but hey, I want her to be better than me.

It's Not What You Feel, It's What You Do

Everyone feels angry/hateful/ungrateful/grumpy/tempted to do the worst from time to time. But I hope to teach her that our feelings aren't always wrong, since we often can't help them, but it's what you do with them that counts. Like, she has the right to be upset with something I do, but she does not have the right to disrespect me for it. Sounds simple, but I bet it will be such a complicated fine line to explain!

What about you, what would you (or do you) like to teach your kid(s)?

Save Me From My Crazy Baby

I don't know if this last trip wrecked my baby or if it's just a natural phase, but all I know is that I don't know what to do with her anymore. In my last posts, I felt so confident, like I got this parenting thing down, but now, I feel (almost) as clueless as I did on the first days. Okay, I exagerate - nothing is as hard as those first days. But it's still not easy.

Ever since last week, Melissa's been clingier and pooping like there's n tomorrow. I was so happy she hadn't leaked her diapers for ages, ever since we started solids, but that's not the case anymore. She's constantly pooping, and constantly leaking. It's green too. Experts out there, what does green mean?? I heard it's normal to come out green every once in awhile, but it's almost always green! I'm calling her doctor's office tomorrow to see if she has herbal diarrea or something.

Another thing that I'm yet to get used to is her new mobility. She's just discovered she doesn't have to stay upright when I hold her. She can also reach for whatever's on the floor, and I'll, of course, become a contortionist to keep her from falling. She even came out of the exersaucer that way, supporting herself with her two little hands on the floor as she dived down! Oh my goodness, how am I supposed to contain this person??

I'm trying to hold her more so she won't smash her head somewhere, and what does she do? Puked and peed on me. And that's just on the past few hours. When I try to nurse to calm her down, she bites me. Really hard! I tried to give her some formula but now she has a will and won't have any of it.

Any experienced moms out there to give me advice? Words of comfort?? Free baby sitting services?? :)

Jet Lag Ramblings

<- Melissa was NOT this peaceful most of the time!

We're home! The trip was a blast, a hassle, a dream and a nightmare, all at once. Melissa was slightly scared of her surroundings, and doing everything more because of it - nursing more, whining more, and even pooping more. Seriously, every time we'd check her diaper she'd be overflowing. Sorry if this is TMI, but this is a motherhood blog after all.

Despite of all of this though, we did have a lot of fun. I don't have that many chances to see my family anymore, ever since we got husbands and babies. Major highlight - we got to swim on a lake! How "Summer-y" is that?? We even went inner tubing!! I mean, who am I?? I'm like in a middle motherhood crisis or something :).

On the way back at the airport, I got one more sign - among a billion - of how Melissa's changed me. Instead of grabbing my former favorite magazine Glamour, I grabbed Good Housekeeping. I know, how Doris Day of me. Not that I've reached good housekeeping - I bought it because I yearn for it.

So this post doesn't really have a point, it's just me saying I'm home and that when I recover from jet lag I'll produce a much more interesting post. Or so I'll try.

Wiped Out Happiness

I'm alive! I disappeared because I'm still visiting family. It's been so much fun and SO much work at the same time. Work = Melissa. Fortunately, fun = Melissa too. But it took over every space in my brain, so I couldn't bring myself to write anything.

But now, everything changed. The super fun Marianne from Lipglossd Mom gave me an award!! An award, you people! I was afraid nobody would read/care for my blog, so being awarded for it is way beyond my wildest dreams!! Granted, it is just a cute image (the one on the left), but still, it means something. It means the world cares that I blog. Or at least cool Marianne, which is good enough for me! :)

Anyway, so I'm supposed to pass this on to other people (7, I think) and share 7 little known facts about myself. Here it goes:

1- I can't run. Not that I have any leg condition or anything (my parents tested me for it, so I don't), but I just wasn't born with the ability to run. How does it look when I try, you might ask. Watch Phoebe from Friends run - now imagine it in slow motion.

2- I recorded a CD. Back when I was 17, I immortalized my squeaky adolescent voice into an independent CD. I still lived in Brazil, so it's in portuguese, and "christian pop", if you may. I only had a few copies to go around friends and family, but enough to haunt me and embarrass me to this day.

3- I'm a carnivore. Ok, this isn't a little known fact, everyone I know knows I'm all about a steak. I joke with my friends that if I was a dinosaur, I'd be one of the mean people eating ones, not the nice tree eating ones.

4- Adventure movies make me sleepy. Too many details to a story makes my brain shut down - much like too much stimulation to a baby.

5- I studied piano for 6 years and still can't play anything. Not in the modest, "say I can't but am a professional" - in the not talented as hard as I tried way.

6- I rarely like non-funny books. Which makes me feel like a fraud when I say I love reading.

7- I check this blog more than I check my email. That's how I know I'm addicted.

Now, time to pass on the award! There are so many blogs out there that I admire and envy, but I tried to concentrate on the ones that have an extra positive attitude - hence the "Sunshine Award". So congrats to:

- Krystyn at Really, Are You Serious

- Courtney at Go Team Hale

- Kimberly at Mommyhood Corner

- Stephanie at Think Like a Lady

- Leslie at Motherhood in Mexico

- Tiffany at On The Verge

- Daniella at A Grateful People

Hubby wants to go to sleep so I have no time to notify anyone of this award right now, but I will as soon as I can! It might even be in a couple of days (when I get back from my trip). BUT if you happen to follow my blog, you'll see it here and claim your award sooner!