I Forgot I Was Pregnant...

...and spent WAY too many hours making cupcakes AND a cake AND a hot dog sauce (Brazilian recipe) for Melissa's 2nd birthday party. I must be crazy. First 'cause I remember how much just making cupcakes for her 1st completely wiped me out - how could I think that doing more would be okay 7 months pregnant?? At the time of the party, I felt like I'd been ran over by a truck a couple times and a half. And, mind you, I did NOT feel like eating any cupcakes or hot dogs. Another thing about cooking all day is that it can kinda turn you off to whatever you're doing - and that's when you're normal, let alone pregnant.

Anyway, my invalidness aside, it did turn out to be a really nice party, and Melissa LOVED it. So different than when she was 1, and cried hysterically when seeing her guests, then spit out her cake and was only interested in a banana. This time she's a giggling, dancing, socializing and balloon loving toddler. After the kids attacked the cupcakes, we turned on the music and they all danced frantically in their sugar rush. It was so much fun to watch. I almost forgot my belly had become so tight from standing all day that it seemed like I was about to give birth.

But I survived. And I'll post pictures soon - I forgot my phone at home (the party was at her grandparents'), and hubby's asleep, so I'll have to get the pictures from his phone tomorrow. We did bring a regular camera, but we're yet to find the cable for it after the move. Grandma and auntie Anne (yep, my sis in law and I have the same name :) also took pictures, and they said they'll send them to me.

So for now, all I have to offer is this post, to document my utter exhaustion and warn all preggies of the world to please, please, take it easy. Even if you don't feel it at the moment, your body will get back at you later. I've been in pain ALL day today, and really wish I'd just gone to Walmart instead of getting all romantic about baking my daughter's cupcakes.

You know what's strange, though? Even though it's been getting harder with my growing belly, Melissa's growth has been a great source of entertainment. She talks SO much right now, knows how to communicate what she wants, has a great sense of humor and often thinks I'm hilarious. The day the new nursery dresser arrived, I did a little happy dance and she laughed so hard she puked lol. She always asks me to repeat it from time to time (and hasn't puked again - not from that, at least :).

Now that both hubby and girly are asleep, I'm having some me-time, still EXTREMELY sore but feeling like life is coming along as it should. Tonight we obeyed my Target craving (I wasn't sure why, just knew we needed to go, and hubby was wise enough not to question me :). There, we bought some groceries and - wait for it - a double stroller!! SO excited. I knew there was a reason for us to go.

I think my body's discomforts are causing the nesting feeling to kick in. I'm more aware of how pregnant I am and how this baby can come before we know it. Technically, I'm almost 29 weeks (will be on Thursday), but according to a recent ultrasound, the baby's measuring about a week and a half in advance. That explains a LOT - I'm definitely feeling like I'm past the 30th week! My stomach's tight more often than not, so this seems more and more like the final stretch.

Anyway, I'd better get to bed so I won't pay the price AGAIN for my careless actions tomorrow. Will post Melissa's party pictures as soon as I get them and feel like I can type a decent post. 'Til then, prayers are appreciated that my regular strength Tylenol will receive supernatural powers from above!

Happiness is a LOT of Work

<- It's not easy to maintain this cuteness.

If anyone has wondered why I haven't posted much (and I hope you have), here's why: brain overload. Not the bad kind, but mostly the kind that actually gets you so excited that you feel like you need a break for a week to recover.

And I'm NOT saying life right now's all about excitements - there's also a fair share of breakdowns, uncertainties, and even boredom. But even in moments when time seems to be moving slowly, my mind's so full from the latest transitions that I have a hard time relaxing it enough to think of an inspired post. So you're stuck with this one :).

Well, on to it, then - here are the latest excitements that have me feeling like I got run over by a truck:

Third Trimester is Here
Can you believe it? Didn't I JUST become pregnant? Seriously, the speed that this is going is both exciting AND scary to me. Like, I only have 3 months now, if that much. According to my last ultrasound, the baby's 2 1/2 pounds and might be sitting precisely on my intestines (which explains a lot of random "I'm about to have this baby right now" runs to the bathroom).

I'll Have Baby Shower
I know, I didn't count on it! For several reasons - many don't believe a second pregnancy's supposed to have a baby shower, but more like a "meet the baby" party after he's born. And besides, we just moved here, and David's family has done so enormously much for us that I thought it'd be too much work for them. But my awesome mother-in-law told me they wanted to (yay!), and then I had the idea of having it at our new little place AND using it as an excuse to cook some of my favorite Brazilian food! Will let you know how that'll turn out, of course... Prayers are appreciated :).

Melissa's 2nd Birthday's Around the Corner
Next Saturday! And the most amazing thing is, this time we get to do it with just family. This would've been impossible in CA, since we didn't have any living close by. Of course our church friends totally made up for it, but it's just so special to have it with the people that love Melissa the most, second only to us. This year's theme will be Dorothy The Dinosaur (from The Wiggles), with whom she's in love with. It might seem random for the people here though, as I haven't seen a network that has their show, but hey, there will be cupcakes. Everybody understands the language of cupcakes :).

There's more to report, but I don't think y'all will be as excited as I am with the new changing table/dresser waiting to be assembled, or the fact that we can now see the dining table (having eliminated most of the boxes). So I'll spare you. Will come back though, with pictures of Melissa's party, and maybe even a belly shot!

New/Future Moms of 2 Are People Too!

<- Melissa's already abusing her little brother :).

I'm appalled at the lack of literature/material available for 2nd time mothers. It's as if they assume that having done it once, you must be a master on the subject and have no need of extra assurance/information/commiseration. HA! I so wish that was true. Come to think of it, not completely - I do enjoy diving through magazines/books in a way to help me celebrate and process the fact that I'm about to give birth. Again. Knowing exactly how wonderful - and overwhelming - it is.

I wish pregnancy magazines talked about what to do with a baby AND a toddler, instead of just what to do with a bby period. And about how do you "get all the sleep you can" when said toddler will not respect your pregnanthood. Like, how do you eat small frequent meals when there's a little person chasing you, who needs to avoid grazing?? And by the way, it would be nice to see pictures of women who actually look pregnant. C'mon, there's gotta be plenty of gorgeous model-like moms out there who don't look like they're wearing a fake belly over teir skinniness. Show me someone real pretty with an occasional double chin and I'll be your lifelong subscriber! :)

I like to joke that my fantasy is going to some sort of "pregnancy retreat" - a place where all I'm required to do is sit and be pregnant. It just seems like there's so much needing my attention (Melissa, transitioning to a different place, etc) that I end up having little time to just feel pregnant. I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel it all the time, but can't give myself the luxury to act accordingly. Not always at least - when I'm resting, my mind still races, going through lists of what to do, and wondering if I'm giving Melissa enough attention. Because, you know, soon she'll really have to share me. This realization makes me feel more attached to her, but at the same time, my growing belly (with all its growing discomforts) keeps me from playing with her as much as before.

See what I'm saying?? Being pregnant for the 2nd time might not have the same "I don't know if I can be a mom" fears of the 1st, but it still brings a whole different set of issues. Of course it also has its own wonders - Melissa's a cute distraction from my pregnant woes, and seeing how beautifully she's growing makes me excited to see what other little person we came up with. And I just CAN'T wait to see her as a big sister. She already loves her "I'm a big sister" book - where the characters amazingly look like us (curly redish-haired mom, and dark straight haired dad and girl). You know, I used to imagine her just like this before she was born. Now I imagine Andrew (that's the name, btw! :) with curly hair. Can't wait to see if my prophecy will come true again lol.

Okay, I'm rambling now - see how I need extra entertainment to divert myself?? Doctors and specialists, please look down on us, 2nd time mommies. We need stuff to read too. Please don't assume every expectant person has all the time in the world to enjoy each moment of belly grownth! Some of us have done it before, but would like to feel special too. You know, as if we could stop everything and just be pregnant for a bit.

Extremely Pregnant

<- Enjoying Brazil at 21 1/2 weeks (2 1/2 weeks ago - even "pregnanter" today! :)

That's how I've been feeling in the last CRAZY days. Which is funny considering that I'm not even officialy 6 months along yet (but close - 24 weeks today).

What do I mean by "crazy" days, you might ask? Well, let me count the ways. It started with us packing like maniacs for our move to Texas - hubby's wonderful family came over and helped us with the ordeal. Then they drove us to the airport, where we'd be off to Brazil while they drove all of our earthly possessions across country. Gotta love 'em!

This trip to Brazil had been scheduled way before we ever knew we'd move, so it turned out that a million of important happenings ended up one after the other - the Brazil trip (to visit my family), the move AND, just for excitement's sake, also a writer's conference thrown in (I flew to St. Louis the morning after we arrived in Texas).

Oh, and may I remind you the baby inside me did NOT stop growing?? :) When all of this started, I felt semi-normal, not totally comfortable running around but pretty okay. The trip to Brazil was hard just because of Melissa's hatred towards the plane, but surprisingly, not because of backaches or any of the issues I had throughout my entire pregnancy with her. I did have a very very dizzy moment though, but thank God, we were already in Brazil, where people usually don't see the problem with staring at each other - which works wonders when you need someone to see you're about to faint and put in front of the line. So crisis averted :).

In Vitoria (my hometown), I started feeling the symptoms of extreme pregnancy-ities around our first trip to the mall. Let's just say this was not the experience I remembered having as a teen. My feet did not use to swell, and I did not walk like a duck who needed to go to the bathroom. I was like, really?? I'm barely pregnant!! Okay, 5 months isn't barely, but it isn't the end of the line either. And wasn't I packing up boxes like crazy just the week before? How come now I could barely stand to maneuver my purse?

So needless to say, my trip to Brazil was a lot less productive then I'd envisioned. We did enjoy the beach and the pool, but not nearly as often as I'd hoped. And in between several family visits (haven't seen most of them for almost 5 years), I wasn't able to go out with a girlfriend once. I feel guilty even typing this - there were some dear, dear people I didn't call not because I didn't miss them, but because I was afraid they'd think otherwise when I'd tell them I wouldn't have a chance to see them. It's so hard to explain to non-pregnant people that you can only handle so much socializing during the day, before your belly muscles start aching as if your baby's saying, "mom, ENOUGH".

After our Brazilian odyssey, we arrived in our new ADORABLE Texas home. Hubby's family not only drove our stuff here, they also organized most of it AND redecorated the place (painted walls, changed carpets, etc). I don't think we could ever, ever repay them. We'd thought we'd have to stay at hubby's parents' house until everything got settled, but the place looked so homey already (despite just a few boxes around) that we could move in right away. Yay!!

BUT the very next morning, I still had a plane to catch to St. Louis, where I'd attend the American Christian Fiction Writers' conference. My body said no but my heart said yes, so there I went. It was one of those things that, if you don't go, you'll never know what would've happened.

And I'm glad I did! It was so cool meeting my awesome writing mentor Betsy St. Amant, and making fun friends like my other roomie, Jenness Walker. And I only really felt my extreme-pregnancy-ities towards the end - the first couple of days, I was in an adrenaline rush, absorbing the huge amount of information around me, and getting starstruck every time I turned around. Even made some good connections for my writing, but I refrain from speaking about them further in order not to jinx them hehe.

So now, after this hurricane of adventures and emotions (like a soap opera commercial lol), I'm finally home. We're still putting a lot of stuff away, and fixing some things here and there, but it feels amazing already. Just being here in Texas feels right. David and I keep trying to find the exact reasons, but the thing is, God's led us here, pure and simple. And there's nothing better than being where He wants you to be - even if it's all over the place until you find your sweet spot :).

Mothers of Boys, Tell Me Your Stories :)

Yessss, that's what it means - we did the big ultrasound last Thursday, and turns out baby #2 is a boy!!!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

You know when you roll a dice thinking of a number, and then when it comes up you're like, "whoa, what were the odds?"

That's how I'm feeling right now. Not that my odds weren't good (50% :), but it just seemed like too much of a coincidence for me to want to have boy next AND actually have one. It's crazy. I'm still in awe of this.

I wanted a boy for so many reasons. Let me count:

- great excuse to buy more baby stuff (need blue this time! :);

- Melissa seems to have more fun playing with boys than girls - they crack her up;

- speaking of her, it might help Miss High Maintenance deal with the fact that someone else will receive attention (at least he won't steal her pink stuff);

- and, well, who doesn't want one of each?

It sounded like more reasons on my head, but the thing is, I'm just really happy about it. Seeing Melissa getting cuter every day makes me excited to see what other kid we can come up with lol. It's just so fascinating to watch someone develop.

Now, just because I'm on the subject of development (and to give each child equal blog time), I think it's valid to list some of Melissa's latest cutenesses:

- When we do something she enjoys (like throwing a toy in the air), the way she gets to make us repeat is by yelling: "On your mark, go!" Over. And over. And over.

- Since I like to tell her, "Are you my baby? Yes you are!", now she's been coming to me saying, "Are you my mommy?" :)

- She says "I love you"!! It sounds more like "I loww yoou", and comes with a hug. *tear*

- She likes to put an "s" to the end of words, so they sound more sophisticated. Water is now "waters" and her toy doggie is "doggies" (oh, and also "booger" is "boogers" lol).

- She says "thank you mommy" often (even to daddy :) - and speaking of that, she kinda trades off our "names" (mommy & daddy) from time to time.

I could go on, but I think I already put y'all through enough bragging.

On sort of unrelated news, we are in the process of moving to Texas (AND planning our trip to Brazil - this Thursday!!), so if I disappear (again), you know why.

Now all of you moms of boys, please tell me what I have to look forward to!

The Weighting Game

<- 17 weeks!

So I finally took some more belly pics - after over a month from the last ones. I know, I know. I'm neglecting this baby (or pregnancy) already.

With my first one, I think I took pictures every week, documented almost everything and even promised myself I'd do the same the next time. HA. The innocence of someone who doesn't have a toddler.

But this post isn't about the pictures. Is about how delusional apparently I am with my weight situation.

For instance: at 12 weeks, I thought I was HUGE. Not belly huge, but neck, chin and arms. But apparently I was doing pretty good - the doctor's scale said that I'd lost 2 pounds. They looked at me with concern, but I was like, woohoo! How long can we keep this up without harming the baby?

So lately I've been feeling the opposite of how I did in the beginning - hardly notice any double chin, and even thought I was losing more weight. Well, the last appointment showed that I've gained said 2 pounds. It might be the bacon and eggs I eat frequently for lunch (what can I say, baby NEEDS protein). And yes, I've tried every other kind of lunch imaginable, but it seems that if I don't inject ridiculous amounts of protein into my veins, I literally CRASH around 3 (precisely the time Melissa's waking up from her nap). And when I say crash, I mean have rapid breathing, extreme weakness until my eyes get so heavy I can't open them anymore. Plenty of times I let Melissa call for me just for a couple minutes, so I can close my eyes briefly to pretend I'd taken a nap. Which makes me feel guilty now that she's been so good about sleeping for 2 whole hours.

Speaking of that, I'd better go check on her. I leave you with a couple pics of my latest preggie footage (and Melissa, of course, had to steal the spotlight :).

Baby Dreams

<- This is how she is... and this is how I dream about her->

Melissa's been officially a little girl for some time now, but when I dream about her, she's always still a little baby. She fits on my chest, can barely move and never, ever eats on her own. But the terrifying thing is that, though she's so dependent, I spend half the dream looking for her, as if I misplaced her somewhere. And whenever I am with her, I'm NEVER doing it right - either holding her weird, or not feeding her the right thing, or it's confusing, but clear that something is terribly wrong.

I don't have to be a dream specialist to know this means I miss my baby. Also that haven't been all that confident on my parenting skills.

When she was a baby, I thought she was SO much work, but today I see how low maintenance she actually was. There wasn't much else to do besides change diaper, nurse (or give bottle), cuddle and repeat. Okay, tummy time and baths too, but really, this was NOTHING compared to:

Chasing her around the house; Should she watch TV or not?; Or better yet, should I feel guilty I let her watch TV? (don't judge, I'm an invalid preggie); Should I discipline her right now or just take the breakdown as a mother-daughter venting session?; I got REALLY mad. Did I traumatize her?; I wonder if I didn't get mad enough, and now she thinks it's okay; Has she eaten enough protein today? Will she pass out in her sleep?; Is her blanky warm enough? Too warm?; I think I waited too long to her in the morning. But if I get up too quick I get dizzy and there goes my morning sanity; ...

Sorry for entering you into the crazy mine field that is my mind.

I guess I just miss the simplicity of when she was a baby. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE that she calls me mommy, says little sentences and understands a lot of what I tell her. I love that her face is taking its own shape, which is absolutely gorgeous. That she's sweet and says "hug" or "come" when she wants me to get her.

I do, I love toddlerhood. I'm just not sure if I'm keeping up with it expertly. I know I must not suck too much, 'cause she seems happy and is turning out a very fun and caring little girl, but you know how we moms are - we worry about nutrition, what we're imprinting in their subconscious, stuff like that.

Maybe what scares me is how quickly she's assimilating everything. When she was a baby, I felt like I had time to learn as I went - and granted, every time I thought I had it figured out she'd change, but still, she didn't change THAT fast. This is crazy. And though I'm excited about the other baby coming up, it's kinda sad that THIS baby is now only in my dreams.