Chaos...I Give In

<- Notice the look of horror on Andrew's face, antecipating Melissa's "tough love." :)


Shhhhhh. Melissa's sleeping (can you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) and Andrew's awake but currently not calling for me, so I'm gonna use this moment to blog.

It's funny that I wait so much to have me-time like this, and when I do, I'm too paranoid about it ending to fully enjoy it. So I always end up doing one (or more) of the following:

- eat a humongous amount of chocolate, for the simple fact that I can, but forgetting to stop long enough to enjoy it (break might end at any second!);

- watch silent TV with captions on (which can give you a headache fast if you're sleep deprived);

- clean something (then hate myself for not resting on the only moment of the day when there wasn't a kid attached to me);

- go on facebook and envy all those people out there who have lives outside of poopy diapers, breastmilk spills and yelling toddlers.

Speaking of toddler, Melissa's the sweetest of them all, but also possibly the loudest. Hubby and I joke that she only has 3 volumes - high, higher and HIGHEST; there's no "middle" or "low". I can tell Andrew's fascinated with her, but slightly freaked out when she tries to hug him or squeeze his hands/feet/head. She can really agitate him, and when I finally manage to calm him down, she seems to feel the need to fill in the silence by going, "HI BABY! AWWWW SO SWEET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING MOMMY? BABY'S SLEEPING!" Um, well, not anymore.

Needless to say, at this moment I'm researching birth control options lol. I think the pill made me bloated and emotional (more so than normal :). So now I'm leaning towards using this thing called Paragard (something the doctor inserts in your uterus). Google says it's wonderful to some people but horrible to others, but I do like the fact that it's hormone free. Anyone out there has any knowledge/opinion on the subject?

I started writing this post this afternoon, and am finishing now at almost 10 at night. Story of my life these days :). But much like life as a mom of 2, slowly I'm getting the hang of it. My mantras now have been don't fight the chaos, expect the chaos, PREPARE for the chaos. So I eat a protein bar at lunchtime knowing lunch might not happen anytime soon, always have wipes nearby for frequent disasters, and try not to see it as failure if both kids happen to be miserable at the same time. According to my month-and-a-half experience in this, a couple of meltdowns are just part of our new regular "routine". And if so, I guess it's been a pretty good day.

You're a Mother of 2 If...

1-You've discovered 45647 things you can do with a baby attached to your boob;

2-You feel like you just joined the gym, for all the extra activities during the day;

3-And just like joining the gym, it's TORTURE at first, and then slowly your energy level increases by the demand (much like breast milk);

4-In order to accept the fact that you'll always have a kid glued to you 90% of the time, you learn to think of them as your new animated body parts;

5-Your first kid now looks HUGE;

6-You realize what a whiner you were when you only had 1 kid;

7-You've let go of your "too much TV will give my toddler autism" fears;

8-You worry about preventing sibling rivalry several times a day;

9-You sometimes wish your older child didn't like the baby quite so much, especially when he's sleeping;

10-Your toddler comes up with every possible need the moment you start nursing (bringing you back to number 1).

Yes, There IS Life After 2 Kids :)

Guess what: I had a boy!! And his name is Andrew David Prado, born on January 25th, 2012 at 8:35 a.m.

Sorry I haven't posted anything earlier - I'm amazed at mothers who blog from the hospital room and register every new emotion of having their 2nd baby. I mean, when do you sleep?? Or pee?? My mom's here from Brazil to help for the first month, and still, everyday at some point I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. Or at several points :).

Don't get me wrong - whenever both kids are fed, clean and happy (or at least "ish"), it's heaven. It really is all of those cheesy things you see in Lifetime movies: the wonder of becoming a bigger family, and your heart's about to explore with pride. I told David the other day that it often feels like I won't need any other kids, because these 2 are already so wonderful. Why test the blessing, right?

But other little reason why I might be done having kids is because this delivery was THE hardest I ever, ever thought I'd have.

This time around, I wasn't too afraid of giving birth. I'd gone through it once, survived, and realized it would'be gone even smoother if I hadn't feared it so much. So this time I was determined to be as relaxed about it as physically/mentally I could be.

Which, if you know me, you know it isn't much :).

Let's start from before the beginning, when my due date came and went, and I felt fainter and fainter everyday from carrying this ENOURMOUS baby. Seriously, the impression I had was that I was going to die from carrying him. Like my belly would end up exploding, or my legs would give in or something. From week 38 on, I started begging the doctor to induce me. At a 36 week ultrasound, they already said Andrew weighed 7 lbs and 11oz!!

I kept telling the doctor I didn't want to deliver a 9lbs baby - not (just) for fear of how much it'd hurt, but because I knew of all the complications it could bring. I'd watched a "One Born a Minute" episode where the baby got stuck in his mom's vagina and when they finally pulled him out, he was BLUE and didn't show signs of breathing for several seconds. I don't cry much watching tv, but I couldn't help but tear up when the baby cried and everything turned out okay. And I prayed that I'd never, ever have to face a situation like this.

Another thing I hoped not to face was a surprise c-section. Now, I'm not against them - thank God someone came up with a way to take a baby out if his or the mom's life's at risk. No wonder in the old times lots more people died giving birth. Both my sisters had to have c-sections and turned out okay, so I knew the world wouldn't end if I couldn't do it through my hoo ha.

But what I didn't want was to push for several hours, experience the painful ordeal of birthing naturally, only to be told "never mind, you're going to have surgery NOW". I imagined that would be so scary and stressful that I'd be really disappointed.

So guess what ended up happening to me. I got not one, but BOTH of my two labor fears. Three, if you count going overdue. They started inducing me on January 24th's afternoon, but nothing happened. Then the doctor gave me (or herself :) a break for the night, and it felt wonderful to be off of pitocin AND sleep soundly with the Ambien they gave me.

What I didn't expect was to wake up 3 to 4 cm dilated, and only a couple hours after that, already 8! I pleaded for the epidural, but they said there was no time anymore. The pain at each contraction felt scary, like the baby was going down but there'd be no room for him to get out. I SCREAMED like women in labor do in movies - gosh, I think I yelled at every single person who passed by me. This nice little nurse was trying to introduce herself and I just shouted, "yeah, yeah, yeah, HURRY". Lol, so much for my plans to 'be cool' :).

But the one positive side of this was that, to my surprise, when the doctor said we'd have to do a c-section, I only felt nervous for like a second. Then I thought, wait, going numb belly down?? Count me in! What I actually said was, of course, "HURRY!!!!" Another lady was filling out forms for the c-section (oh, c'mon, give me a break) and even jumped at my cry and went to do what she had to away from me lol.

I remember I hated getting the epidural when I had Melissa - it was one of the most painful parts of the process, probably because they had to try it 3 times before getting it on the right place. But this time I was so grateful to be receive any relief that I did MUCH better than before, with being still and all. Everyone seemed surprise that all of a sudden I'd stopped shaking like a crazy woman, but my mentality was, if you stop this pain, I'll do whatever you want! :) I might've even found strength to do a little dance lol.

The c-section felt weird, but not nearly as much I thought it would. The absence of contractions was WONDERFUL. My body relaxed so much I had a hard time staying awake. The excitement of seeing Andrew helped, but after they took him, my eyes were shut and I rested until they took me to the recovery room and I could finally hold him.

Nursing went about a million times better than it did with Melissa at first. But it was hard to enjoy it with these awful headaches I kept having because of the spinal anesthesia. Don't ask me how it works (I was too out of it when they explained it :), but for some reason my head would HURT when I'd lift it, and only go back to normal if I laid it flat. The first time it happened, I wondered if that was how a seizure felt like. Even opening my eyes felt excruciating. At least it usually didn't last an entire day - mostly just in the morning, but it could last for several hours. Which made nursing a challenge to say the least.

I don't want to go on and on about the first days' hardships (even though I just did hehe). Of course, I'm still on the first days - Andrew's only a week and a half old. But I can say that things have already gotten a lot better. We're still figuring things out, but the headaches seem to be all gone, THANK GOD. I'm not yet 100% sure how in the world I'm gonna take care of a 2-year-old and a newborn once my mom leaves, but I try to remember I felt the same way after having Melissa, and somehow we made it 'til here. As much as the hard times can feel harder than ever, the good times are also better than we've ever had before. And just that makes it all worth it.

Is the Baby REALLY Coming??

<- I think my stork got lost.

I have my doubts sometimes. Silly, I know - I mean, I saw the baby on the ultrasound, so I know for a fact there's a live human being in me. But there's something about getting so pumped up about being in labor, and then when you realize you weren't, it's hard to keep your hopes up. Which brings you to denial that the baby will actually come one day.

This last week and a half or so I've been feeling like there's no way I can be pregnant one more day, and then I am. Really, every morning I wake up with the impression that if he goes any lower, he'll come out. But another evening comes and I'm in shock NOTHING has happened. Not even the confusing on and off contractions I had a few days ago. Sometimes they'd last for as long as 2 HOURS, and then disappear as if they were a figment of my imagination. I mean, wasn't I supposed to be sure it's the real thing if they last for an hour?? So you see how now I've become a skeptic.

Which is totally ridiculous of me, considering I'm 39 weeks and the doctor said she won't let me go over 41, meaning I only have 2 more weeks at the most to go. AND my mom's arriving from Brazil this coming Thursday, so if I really look around me, things are happening. Today the angel of my mother in law came over and helped me tidy up the place (take out the Christmas tree and prepare space for mom to sleep in). This has REALLY helped, not only with the tasks themselves, but also for me psychologically. Seeing our home ready for the baby reminds me that no, I'm not waiting in vain. The baby WILL come out.

It just seems so surreal to me still. The concept of having another child, that I'll bond with the same way I have with Melissa. This blows my mind. To know that another little person will give me this much joy (and pain :). I mean, how do you get enough heart to store up this much love (and pain lol)? The anticipation of it all (including that detail called labor) can drive you crazy.

Next post will most likely be about Andrew OUT of me, as my brain fries more and more the longer I wait. So pray it'll be soon!!

Oh Yeah, And There's Christmas

<- Sign (and the closest thing to snow :) at our front door.

With everything that's going on (adjusting to TX, keeping up with Melissa and building a person), I really thought the holidays would go right past me. Well, I do have to say Thanksgiving dinner is not as much fun when you already have a full belly to start with. While everybody chatted and stuffed themselves away, I waddled around the room, wondering if there was such a thing as a comfortable position. I'd been so happy and content when we arrived at my in-laws', but maybe that extra forkful of mashed potatoes sent my stomach over the edge. There was no place for them in the inn :).

But ever hopeful, I refused - and still refuse - to miss out on Christmas. After dragging my round self to stores (or, more often, to online stores), I can gladly say our gift shopping is DONE! I've also single handedly decorated our Christmas tree with my own swollen white-sausage-looking fingers. I know, that's supposed to be done by the whole family, but really, if I'd waited for the perfect, Hallmark card moment, where everyone would be rested, in a good mood and with time to spare, it'd never happen. And on that particular day I felt a rush of productivity - like, the more I got done, the more I felt I was progressing, and not just standing in time, forever huge and achy.

It's also nice to focus on something else other than the baby. I know I'm close - 34 weeks and half already incites people to look at you like a time bomb - but still, January 20th (my due date) seems like FOREVER from now. Next year still!! I used to get excited about every braxton hicks contraction, but now, I've lost hope. There have been too many miserable days that turned out to be nothing. If only I could get REALLY miserable - to the point of popping out a baby. Now that would be a real good Christmas gift :).

The Reappearance of the Pregnant Lady

<- 32 weeks and ready to be DONE

I've been SUCH a bad blogger during this pregnancy. I'd honestly thought that being pregnant would make me blog more, not less. I mean, if nothing else, my body's in constant change. But to my own surprise, I feel awkward blogging about every little thing. Which is funny considering I do enjoy other people's updates, but it's just hard for me to believe that anyone's interested in what's aching/swelling on me this week :).

Now that I'm at the final stretch (officially past the 8 month mark! Woohooo), I figured I'd come and let you know my latest adventures of getting ready for the baby. I can't believe he's almost here. This whole time, I've been waiting to release the crazy baby-stuff-shopper inside me, and now I can lol.

Everyday that I do something towards getting ready - like washing bottles or organizing blankets, I feel a delicious sense of accomplishment. The last weeks always seem to last forever, so this helps me feel like I'm making some progress. Like he's really coming, and I'm not just getting heavier and sorer for nothing.

Another big step of getting ready for Andrew was my baby shower. It was small, with just family (oh how I love to say that, since we barely had any in CA), but very fun and GORGEOUS. It'll take too long for me to post all of the pictures, but here are some (from my phone, since we still can't find our camera cable, so pardon the low quality):

The Princess & The Fetus

While I grow exponentially and try to keep our place - and my sanity - in decent condition, Princess Melissa sits on her throne, just enjoying being 2.

I'm kidding, of course - it's rare that she stays still enough to just be there. Usually she's all over the place, playing with her toys, or giving us her toys and demanding we play with them for her diversion. I know I sound 'complainy', but really, it's a lot of fun to have a 2-year-old. Everyday she says something that I had no idea she'd picked up (like "I think so" or "that's amazing!"), and I feel like we've been able to connect with her even more now that she's maturing into a little person. My baby's long, long gone. Well, at least that one :).

Speaking of the 2nd, I've been bonding more with him too. It's kind of impossible not to, now that whenever he moves, my belly follows along. Like I have a built-in baby carrier, and it's really annoying that I don't get to see the child I'm taking everywhere. I even miss him already, as if I'd seen him outside of me before.

Last Thursday I completed 30 weeks, but judging by my last ultrasound, he seems to be measuring 2 weeks ahead, so that means I FEEL 32 weeks - which is 8 MONTHS!! So surreal. And he jumps around so much that it's like he's trying to find his way out. When he kicks downwards, I almost expect to find a foot coming out of me. It's like, how much more can my skin take of this?? I don't think I'm too thick skinned (in all senses lol).

Now, joking aside, I am really excited about being near the end. This Sunday will be my baby shower (double yaay), then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Year's, then....Andrew!! :) All these happenings can easily overwhelm me if I'm not careful, but this time around I think I'm more aware that my occasional crappy mood can be caused by a myriad of things other than the world ending. I don't think the first time I was as aware of how hormones or just the constant discomfort affected my outlook about the day. It's still a constant battle, but this time around, I can definitely say I'm happier. And when I'm not, Princess Melissa usually commands I get with the program.