I Can Get No Satisfaction

My latest 2 posts have been about sicknesses and body issues, so pardom me for adding another one...

Our always active and smiley and independent girl has a fever AND is teething. So instead of making me chase her around the house, she now screams if I move an inch away from her. LOVE the cuddling, not gonna lie, but I still feel so bad that she's sicky.

The funny thing is, even though she's not at her best, I can still see her developing at an amazing rate. Her face is even more defined than in this picture. She's becoming more and more her own little person, so fast it scares me, in the best way :).

One more random thought: I just realized I'm never satisfied. At least not for long. When we got married, I loved our tiny 1-bedroom, but soon I wanted something bigger. Then I got pregnant, we moved into a 2-bedroom, and I enjoyed it for like, 5 seconds. Soon I was desperate (to the point of tears) to have the baby out of me AND move into a house. Now that I got the baby, I want the house asap. I'm getting jealous of pregnant women too, but I have yet to discern if these are true baby yearnings or just my usual dissatisfaction.

At first I thought this was because I needed the thrill of looking forward to something, but now I think I just need the thrill of something. Looking forward to it can actually drive me crazy - I am NOT good with waiting. I want it right here, right now. Then I want something else. NOW. Does that make me weird (as in, a nice word for high maintenance :)?

That's why Melissa is so good for me. She teaches me to appreciate the moment. It helps that she's in CONSTANT change - I don't need to wait long for the next cute thing she's gonna do. So at the same time that I'm eager for her to be a teenager and we can do our nails together, I'm forever entertained by her new discoveries. She also seems to want something new every minute. She gets SUPER excited with a toy, laughing histerically for 30 seconds, and then she's done. On to the next wonder. If only my wishes were that easily satisfied.

The Things I Suffer For Motherhood

<- That's exactly how my stomach looks like. Suuure.

For any of you that might think my motherhood experience is all rosy-colored, judging by how adorable my daughter is, I'm here to disclose a dark side known only by few. I don't even think anybody knows it to the extent that my poor husband does, and that's just because he experiences it in full.

No, I'm not talking about mood swings (though of course I've had those too, but I promise I don't torture him, much). I'm talking about what hubby and I have nicknamed "the gas attacks". And I'm not talking about farts either (how dare you think such things of dainty me! :). I'm talking about a horrible, horrible, desperately horrible feeling whenever I eat any more than my stomach can, you know, stomach.

Ever since the pregnancy, it seems like it has a high sensitivity to fullness - too much of it, I mean. You know when it's lunch/dinner time, and you're already kinda full for whatever reason, but you eat anyway because your significant other does? Before the pregnancy, I could give myself that luxury, but now, it's a REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEA. I'm not talking about just a stomach ache, you people. I'm talking about utter pain, with epilesy like movements (but voluntary, of course, in a desperate attempt to stop the pain somehow).

It's totally comparable to labor pain. I actually think I'd rather be in labor than go through this, because at least there's a baby in the end, instead of just plain, dumb gas. So I wiggle myself, screaming or whispering of pain (in a very scary way for my poor husband), until the gas is finally burped out and I can breathe again. It's disheartening to see the helpless look in his face.

Tonight, I had one right in front of Wallgreens, and I could see him turning every color as people passed by. When we got home, I went to take a hot shower (frequently the only remedy), while he went to give Melissa her last feeding. Problem: she still doesn't take formula much, and there was no breastmilk available. I took my shower, got better (after AWHILE), then actually enjoyed having a few moments to myself very much. After I was done, he was still putting her to sleep, and then he got out of her room looking like he just went through war. Poor thing - I get to go relax and he has to go deal with the aftermath of my gas problems. Seriously, I have the most wonderful husband in the world.

So marry right, people - just good looks won't get you this, it's gotta be a true sensitive and caring person to have your back like this (literally - his back massages saved me at Wallgreens!). And childless people, don't freak out thinking this will happen to your stomach if you have a baby; I've never, ever heard of this before. It's just because it's me - and because I have such a amazing husband who can handle it.

It's The Baby's Fault

Don't you love using this efficient little line, new parents? I know we do. But this week, it was true - we ALL got sick because of Melissa. After spending a whole day cleaning snot out of her little nose (sorry for painting this pretty picture on your mind), I was a complete wreck. I got dizzy, weak, achy, yucky and so congested I could hardly breathe. Hubby was next; it was A LOT of fun to go through this while he was too sick to help me, let me tell you. Even more fun was Melissa's whinning and constant snot producing, though I was more sorry for her than grossed out. Amazing how your kid's boogers become like your boogers - well, not exactly, but definitely better than anyone else's boogers!

Now that I'm done talking about boogers and snots and yuckinesses, let's talk about the happy stuff. My nephew was born!! I already have 2 nieces, from my oldest sister, and now my middle sister just had her first baby!! We're so excited it's a boy because we kind of have an overpopulation of women in our family. He was born precisely the day I felt the sickest, but that was a very good distration for me (on the times I could think straight).

I'm so excited now ALL my sister and I are mommies - this totally ads a whole new dimension to our bond. When you become a parent, you realize the simple excuse "it's the baby's fault" (for not being able to go somewhere or do something) only sounds like an excuse to childless people. Your life becomes so full, and it's equally wonderful and exhausting. So any day you can have the chance of doing (or not doing) whatever you want, you should be allowed to take it. No questions asked.

But answering your question (if you were kind enough to ask), yes, we are doing much better now. Not 100% back to normal (our voices are hoarse and our kleenexes are plenty), but at least we're a happy family once again. We're still laying low though, not sure of when we'll be joining society just yet - and of course it's totally the baby's fault.

Melissaisms

- Gummy grin

- Purring like a cat

- Eating cheerios from the floor like a dog

- Licking us like a dog

- Pouting and throwing fits like a teenager

- Clapping and "singing along" (if "aaaaaah" counts) to Veggie Tales songs

- Being pooped and/or hungry at the most inconvenient of times

- Waking up precisely when I sit down with a brownie

- Eating EVERYTHING (not limited to food)

- Making us laugh when we're not supposed to (like in an immigration office)

- Playing the "hugging game" (hug mommy, then hug daddy, then mommy, then daddy...)

- Playing with her hair when she's sleepy

- Squealing as a way of communicating ANYTHING

- Being pretty much the most awesome 10 and a half month old kid in the world :).

I Sue You, "Good Housekeeping"!!!

<- She looks tired...

I'm in between personalities right now. I used to be a faithful reader of Glamour (the only magazine I could find for 20-somethings that doesn't presume we're perverts), even had a subscription for awhile. Then, I became a mom, and suddenly articles about how to better party with your girlfriends seemed kinda unrealistic to me. I still have fun with my girlfriends, don't get me wrong - we just talk more about our babies' poop than about what's "in" on fashion these days.

So there I went, in search for a magazine that better suited my new point of view... "Parents" comes close, but fails for 2 reasons; one, it talks more about dealing with older kids, and not so much about babies (though you can still find some good info); and two, it's just about parenthood. Which is great and necessary and well put together and all, but most of the time, when I want to read a magazine, I want to remember who I am besides a parent. I want to think of lip gloss. Of my daily questionings of what to do with my life as a woman. Of some celebrity I'm curious about (and how she deals with her daily questionings of what to do with her life as a woman). Gossip magazines are too celebrity oriented (though not below me, I admit), so they're still not identifiable enough. I wanted something that sounded like "me".

Of course, this led me to Good Housekeeping (ok, you can laugh now. This sounds so like me. Not). All the home organizing tips are a little over my head, but I have to say, it does inspire me to be a better housekeeper. You know, there's something about seeing glossy pictures of pretty women acting like cleaning their bathroom is the most exciting thing in the world, and it kinda helps my brain accept the idea. Maybe what I like about it too is feeling proud of myself that I have a household and a family to take care of - you know, that feeling that you have grown up. Just taking the initiative to buy this magazine makes me feel like I've already arrived somewhere.

Which brings me to the point of why I want to sue them. Inspired by reading it the night before, I woke up yesterday wanting to become a true competent housekeeper. I used Melissa's naps (which were shorter than usual, by the way - it's like she knows) to sweep and wipe floors, wash dishes, and even do laundry in between. Nothing wrong with that, right? Things that any decent wife and mother should be doing, right?

Well, whether it is or not, it was a BIG MISTAKE. My entire body hurt so bad the end of the day that I felt nauseated. It hurt to turn my body in any direction. And before you call me a wuss, I have been exercising for 20 min. (sometimes 40) daily for a few weeks now! I didn't even do that yesterday, so I couldn't understand why my body was throwing such a fit. I cried, not because I was sad, but in a desperate effort to force it to relax. Isn't it crazy?

So now, there you go body, the house is dirty. And it will remain that way today. I will not have you torture me once again. Good Housekeeping sold me FALSE ADVERTISING that if I cleaned up I'd look like Mariska Hargitay on the cover, but I bet she has people that do it for her. So I'd rather be happy and messy, than clean and miserable, thank you very much.

Hope When Things Suck

Life sucks sometimes. I'm not writing this because mine does - it actually kinda rocks right now, and it's in these moments of peace that you look back and have some perspective about your latest sucky moments, wishing you knew then what you know now. But while it's happening, it pretty much sucks.

There are moments that you look around and there's nothing, nothing that will make you feel better. I'm an analizer, so when I'm not able to analize myself out of a situation (or out of being hurt), I feel like I'm in a bad dream. I don't deal well with uncertainty or confusion. I think I'm getting better at letting stuff roll off my back though - motherhood has a way of tougheningup your skin. Must be your baby's cute face that makes you forget everything else. But back to my point, there are moments that you just don't know where to look. Your only options are to look down - sink in - or to look up.

Listening to the radio today, a song quoted Psalm 121 ("I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth"), and it reminded me of those times. I've always known those verses, and even thought they sounded a little too "out there" to truly make me feel better in a moment of desperation. But I finally get it now.

Sometimes, God allows bad stuff to happen to force us to look up. Key word, allow - He doesn't make bad people do bad stuff, but He gives everyone free will, but this doesn't mean He's not still in control. If He allowed something to happen, is because He's going to do something with it. I've learned not to underestimate His ability to turn crap into treasure :).

So next time the world sucks, try looking up. This might be the only way God can get you to reach higher.

Other cool verses:

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)

"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6)

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

How Not To Lose Your Mind In 10 Months

Here's what you do when your baby reaches the milestone of 10 months and you're tired of chasing her around:

Cry

Or laugh histerically, whatever your emotions crave. But not in front of the kid - you don't want to traumatize her. The point is to find some time in the day to just feel whatever it is you're feeling.

Obsess

On the positive, that is. I won't tell you not to obsess - because, if you're a mom, we all know that's impossible. But it will do wonders for your spirit if you obsess over her birthday party than over the piece of paper she just ate from the floor.

Create

If I keep my creative juices flowing, I'm much more adaptable with her constant changes. And this is coming from a person who LOVES routines. So go create something, girlfriend - a recipe, a scrapbook, a new work out (the Hip Hop Body Shop video is so much fun!!). Unless creating is not what floats your boat - then go mop the floors or something.

Refresh

Everyday, try to do a little something that used to make you feel good before you had a baby. For me, it's using a cake-smelling body wash. In the beginning, I was afraid to enjoy showering too much, as if there wasn't a baby waiting for me. Don't fall into this trap; you have to enjoy yourself. This is, like, one of the first rules of good motherhood - right after keeping the baby happy.