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My Life as a Mom of 3

It's not so bad, really. Except on the first days. Then it could be pretty often - not bad bad, just "what-on-earth-am-I-supposed-to-do-now, and when-do-I-EVER-get-to-sleep" bad. I was happy, but still longed for a sense of normalcy (as explained on my last zombie-like post).

Now, I'm happy to report that YES, I do feel normal again. I feel like me, just much busier. It seems like every time you have a baby, it takes awhile for your brain to catch up. I'd talk to people but felt distant, like my mind still couldn't quite process the new life yet. So in order to mentally land on mommy-of-3 world, I tried a few things:CHOCOLATE                                                                                                                            That's right - my first impulse was to medicate myself with loads of sugar. In the first weeks, my stomach still felt queasy with most foods (taking a baby out AND tying my tubes must've messed things up a bit), so for awhile, Cadbury bars became my main source of sustenance. I knew I was still supposed to look pregnant, so didn't care much about calories. It only started bothering me when I was looking more and MORE pregnant. That's when I realized I'd have to not only stop the madness, but also figure out a whole new daily menu (because almost everything I liked while pregnant I now loathed). Sigh. As if I didn't already have to eat so many meals with a baby sucking liquid off of me (which can really ruin your appetite). 

EXERCISE

Before you imagine me in a gym doing sit ups or anything that sophisticated, think more along the lines of me in sleep wear in front of the TV desperately trying to follow a hip hip workout DVD for 10 minutes. I mean, I feel like I'm doing a great job! :) But I'm also glad no one's there to see me. Of course it's always a challenge to find the time to do it, but when I do, it's awesome. Even if I'm not doing it right, I have fun acting like I'm some gangsta chick who wins back alley fights lol. It totally gives me more confidence to face the next blowout diaper.

WRITING

At 6 months pregnant, I started writing for RgVision, a local magazine about businesses in the area. Close to the due date, I had to take a break, and my editor asked me to let him know whenever I was ready to return. Once Holly started sleeping better (waking up once or twice a night as opposed to every. freaking. hour.), I really missed it, but felt SO afraid to get back to it. What if I couldn't handle it now? But the more time passed, the more I realized I needed an outlet to think of something other than child/home care. And yes, while it is often stressful trying to find moments to type, it's made a HUGE difference for me to settle into 3-kids motherhood. Turns out sometimes our minds just need a moment for itself so that it'll have enough to give to our little people :).

PRAYER

That's a big one, that's why I left it for last - even though it was the first thing, before and in between those other remedies. For sure God's the one who's helped me navigate through my bad eating habits and overwhelmed days. I'd imagined that only time would've cured my baby blues, but He helped me realize there were things I could - and SHOULD - do. Like finding myself in the midst of child-rearing chaos. Who would've known; He remembers me, and not just my children! For Him, I'm not just a milking cow/house cleaner/toddler fights referee. He sees ME, and takes full credit for me slowly-but-surely getting my groove back.

We Interrupt This Blog to *Yawn*

These past few days have been wonderful, life-changing, heart-warming, and all that good cheesy stuff.

At the exact same time, they've also been stressful, exhausting and frustratingly unpredictable. 

I'm ready to be normal again. Which I know will never be like the old normal, but I just miss the feeling, you know? Of not being so out of sorts. I keep thinking, if only I get some sleep, or if only the kids behave, or if only I get to have breakfast undisturbed...THEN I'll be good to go. 

But it hasn't happened yet. No matter what, I still feel absent from planet Earth. Like earlier today, when my mom told me I needed to calm down and I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, I remembered what I'd just said (whined about Holly peeing on me), but it felt unrelated, like I'd been half asleep. In a way that's hard to connect your own thoughts/actions to reality - a "did I really just do that or was it a dream" kind of crazy.

Not that I'm in a funky mood all the time - if you catch me in a happy, caffeinated moment, you'd think I've adapted to this having-3-kids thing. But I never, ever lose the feeling of being in a daze. EVER. It's getting annoying. 

It's just that adding a third person to obsess over/care for is such a HUGE thing to process. And hard to make yourself believe you're doing it right. So during peaceful times, I tell myself to take a deep breath and believe all is right in the world. Which lasts until about when the next kid cries/throws a tantrum/pees on me.

Or all the above, which happens often. Sigh.

Where Did All These Kids Come From??

So. There's a very legitimate reason why I haven't blogged in the past several weeks.

I have 3 kids.

Did I mention I have 3 kids? Yep, that's right. THREE. WHOLE. KIDS.

I've fallen and I can't get up lol.

Honestly, when I saw that commercial the other day (of the old lady with a medical alert necklace), it brought me back to a blissful time when all I had to do was push a button and a nurse would appear. Hospitals might suck, but that part, oh it should last a lifetime :).

Of course, I'm being dramatic (shocker!). Life isn't so bad, it's just busy. For example, I'm a magazine addict but still haven't managed to crack open the last I bought 2 days ago. There's just always something to do; always a kid having a meltdown, or me. Or maybe not that bad, but at least me staring at nothing, trying to process how in the world I ended up with so many little people.

I do love them, though (for the record :). Having 3 kids is SO much work, but very very rewarding at the same time. See, that's why I haven't posted, I knew I'd sound like some Hallmark commercial. Especially with my hormones all over the place. As crazy as things can get, I feel very complete right now. I got my girl, I got my boy, got my littlest girl...

...aaand I tied my tubes!!!!!! :D :D :D

I'm SO beyond proud of myself. That's because I know not everybody would agree with my decision (and I realized soon enough before my scheduled c-section that this was holding me back from making it). I did talk to my husband, of course, and he couldn't be more on board. We're just ready to move on to the non-baby-making part of our lives. 

And yeah, speaking of c-sections, the VBAC didn't happen. Just too long/personal/boring story to tell, but the thing is, I changed my mind, and I'm ecstatic I did. My experience at the hospital was everything I hoped the first 2 had been and weren't: peaceful, pretty close to stress-free, fast recovery. Yep, for a c-section!! I was up by the 2nd day. Don't ask me why, and don't try this at home lol. It really felt like the hand of God answering all of my anxious prayers. I felt at peace going through with it, and He blessed us with a beautiful healthy girl and a lot less pain than I experienced after either of my other births.

Anyway, Holly's making feed-me noises now, so I'd better go check on her. Not sure when the stars will align (or, more accurately, the nap times will align :) for me to blog again, but hopefully it'll be soon! Speaking of that, thinking of moving on to another blog, one who doesn't have the word "bored" on it lol. Who'd come with me??

Ready for Baby!!

Holly's bassinet for our room (before she graduates to hers :)

Sorry, I've been MIA - actually, I'm not that sorry because it turns out a break from the computer has done me well. The "pregnanter" I've gotten, the least patience I had to share stuff online. The least patience I had for anything, come to think of it :). I'm blogging right now not because such patience has returned, but because I thought I should give a quick update, just in case there's someone out there in the world who cares enough to check my blog lol. 

So here's to the good news: my midwife just gave me her blessing to go into labor!! I'm shocked, relieved and just a little bit (or a lot) nervous. It was the last thing I thought she'd say. I remember in my last 2 pregnancies, at around 36 weeks I'd be the one begging for it to be time, and everyone would look at me like, "don't be silly, you still have a LONG way to go". But now she pretty much urged me to exercise and get the ball rolling, probably because I'm only allowed to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) until my due-date. The exciting thing is that she said I'm measuring ahead (should've asked her how much but didn't - was so surprised!), so according to her, if Holly was born right now, she wouldn't go to the NICU and would do just fine. Isn't it awesome??

Since receiving this life-changing tibid of information, I've been in a nesting frenzy (as much as I can with my waddling self). My back hurts so much from cleaning the house - if only my belly could hurt as much, then it'd be perfect lol. I get lots of aches and pains, but nothing regular yet.

Gotta go now as typing is still not the most comfortable thing in the world (and my brain seriously cannot process much more than GETTING THIS BABY OUT :). My guess is that next time I post will be just after the baby's born, so please pray with me that it'll be soon!!

ps: I've been having some problems with the images on this blog...too long and frustrating of a story to explain. But at least the latest/newest ones should work!

Excuse Me, Pregnancy, I Need a Moment...

...to make my kids' breakfast without morning sickness (yep, it's back);

...to blog without feeling like I'm giving birth to the computer lol (even a Mac Air puts too much pressure on my thighs now - hence why this will be a short post);

...to prepare for the baby's arrival (how on earth am I supposed to do that AND be 8 months pregnant??);

...to watch TV and surf the net at the same time like the good old multitasking days (without any dizziness/blurry vision);

...to stay in ONE POSITION for more than a minute without pain somewhere;

...to have an entire conversation minus annoying braxton hicks/painful jabs/wondering where the nearest restroom is;

...to stop peeing!!!!!!!

...to play with my kids without freaking out over my achy belly (while both attack me like mini-football players);

...to watch my kids eat without fearing the next mess/fight (when I'll need to bend over AGAIN);

But how cute are they??

...to write something non-child rearing/procreating related on facebook (sorry, my brain cannot process much beyond that right now);

...to end this post with something more clever than I WANT THIS BABY OUT!!!!! :)

Emotional Birthday Weekend

The last post made it sound like I've been just jumping up and down lately, which I have not. First of all, I've been too heavy and uncomfortable to even walk fast, let alone jump lol. And second, even when life's good, it's never ever perfect.

For starters, last Thursday we went to our much much anticipated 4D ultrasound. We couldn't believe we'd have this opportunity, but in our clinic there were posters with gorgeous pictures saying that established patients (like myself) would be offered one. And while that's cool, they should've clarified that this doesn't mean a 4D ultrasound service - like in specialized places, where you get a CD with pictures and more than an instant with an impatient (therefore RUDE) technician. Besides barely speaking to us throughout the process (you know, the whole 5 minutes tops of it), she handed us a couple of very undefined pictures. When I gathered up the courage to ask if she could try again, she barked "already did!", and then started to talk about how my fluid was low (you know, such a soothing conversation for what's supposed to be a nice moment). I understand this can mess up an ultrasound, but I would've expected her to give it more than a single try, you know?? Like, she acted as if this was just a functional thing (that needed to be done as quick as possible), and not an important family event like it meant for us. 

Now adding the fact that I'd counted the days for this for 3 weeks (since they told us it'd happen), and even made a big deal of it here, on Facebook and on the phone with my family that lives all the way in Brazil, AND considered this to be a big part of my birthday celebration, disappointment doesn't even cover how I felt. I literally mourned over this for a couple of days. Because it wasn't just that - part of the reason why I felt so sad for not being able to share this online is that I don't really have that many people around me to share the joys of my pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, hubby's family's wonderful and so worth the move to TX, but in these major life milestones, I really wish my own family could be here too. Besides, as a stay at home mom, I haven't really had many opportunities to make friends. So sadly, online (or over the phone) is where I do most of my connecting with people. That doesn't bother me all the time since the kids keep me busy, but this was important, you know?? Especially being our (most likely) last pregnancy. 

Anyway. I'm sure hormones also played a part in my emotions, but this weekend I just felt too out of it to blog. Still, God was faithful and had already provided that hubby would take a few days off work (that he arranged so we could make some progress in preparing for Holly). That helped a LOT. I  also wondered why he kept telling me to drink water, and noticed him trying to hide taking a phone call. But the 2 things never connected in my mind until he told me he'd scheduled another 4D ultrasound as a surprise!! :) This time in one of those places who REALLY makes it special. I was ecstatic, although still afraid to get my hopes up again. 

Thank God, it worked wonderfully! I guess at the clinic not only the tech was bad, but their equipment must've not been great either. Because I doubt a couple of days would've increased my fluid THAT much! Maybe just having a patient, sympathetic person do it makes all the difference. It's a family business and they have 7 kids themselves, so that means they get how important this is to families. The environment couldn't have been more inviting - ultrasound projected on a big screen, spacious room with several chairs, toys on the floor for the kids, and even ambiance music! The technician not only was personable and funny but even had a pleasant voice (which worked great on the recording of the ENTIRE 20 minute ultrasound they emailed us later). And while I know my fluid level isn't the best it can be, not once was a comment made about it. They might've if the ultrasound was impossible, but since it worked well enough, nobody said anything on how much clearer it could've been (which I appreciated). Afterwards, they even took a picture of us! Here it is:

Wish I'd known this was coming, so I'd wear something less casual (and have extra hair product :).

Holly's pictures are in a CD, but the downside of having a super thin computer is that I don't have a CD drive. So we'll have to wait till we can go save it somewhere else. Meanwhile, I took some shots with my camera of the ones they printed on a page (which still look a thousand times better than the 1st ultrasound ones, even though they're pictures of pictures):

 With hand on her face

 Cute profile

 About to smile on this one!

 Reminds me of when Melissa was born and had this "kissy" face on every picture

Looking as much as a happy, sunny girl as we imagine her :)

Like twins separated by almost 4 years :)